Monday Jun 23, 2008

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Venting, Thinking out loud, I need help, advice, words of encouragement, something.......




I think there's something wrong with me. I don't feel like I want to be with my husband anymore, then there's another part of me that feels like I have to stay. I do love him I just don't know if it's the same way I loved him before.
Am I just with him because we've been together for 4 years and I've gotten cofortable or used to him being there? I know that I could be happy without him, I know that I it would be hard to be a sigle mom, and would it be far to our son if I left his father.
If I were to leave would he want to take Isaac away from me instead of having joint custody?
Where would I go, would I stay in Beaverton and keep my current job? Would it be better to move in with my mother temporarily and get a job and an apartment out on the Oregon Coast?
Part of me feels that we could stay together and co exist just fine for a while, but is that a healthy environement to raise a child, would being seperated or devorced make it any better?
I have all of these questons and more running through my head, alot of what if's. Does that mean it's time for me to go, or should I just push them all away and go on living my life the way everyone thinks I should.

I felt like crying last night when my husband and I we being intimate, not because I was happy, but because I think at that moment I realized that I don't want to be with him the way I should, but more like I have to be with him.
He and I had a huge fight on Father's day, that carried over to Monday after work. And I don't think I've been able to get past the arguement as quickly as I normaly get over things, whereas he seems to feel that since we talked about things everything is better. It's funny because it's usually reversed.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
kleio:
I have to say, you sound a lot like I did about four or five years ago. I was married for about seven months, and for six of those I managed to not only not have sex with my husband, but also not even realize that it had been that long. You sound as though you've already made up your mind a little bit, as though you're feeling that it's either separation or being unhappy. Obviously, you're concerned about Isaac, but it's in his best interests to have two happy parents; your husband may be upset a while, but if this is the way you feel, it's better to give him as much time as he needs to remake his own life, too, rather than just shoving your feelings away.

I've been there (minus the child, of course). I know it's hard, and that there's a lot of pressure on to fix things, stick it out, honor your vows and your commitments. There's no easy way to deal with those, whatever you decide.

*hugs*
burningleviathan:
I guess it depends on what you feel is different. It could just be a rut you and your husband have gotten into, it could be the fact you haven't made much time for each other and you are drifting apart. I don't know if you can talk to him about all of this but it might be best to admit to him you have a problem with the marriage at the moment. You can either seek counciling or move out for a while and see how you go.

In the end you know what you are feeling and you need to do what is best for yourself.

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