sammy1

funny, the things we forget, vs the ones we remember.

the stuff that stays at the front of your mind, maybe somewhere on the periphial, vs the stuff that hides in tha background, covered by the noises of your own despair? only to come crashing thru at the oddest moments, sometimes so strongly it makes you sit when u are standing, sometimes so subtly it barely brings a smile to your face, or a chill to your spine, for reasons you cant even grasp.

memories you try to hold on to, but manage to lose, how is it you can remember wanting to remember, but just cant remember the what that you wanted to rememnber? (goofy sentence i know)

i was struck sitting here, jackson brown, and lauren. i wouldnt even know who he was or what he sang if it wasnt for her, and there was one night, were she was sing it, to the music, i could swaer i could hear her voice thru it, and thats what i remember, and remembered for awhile,,, till it sorta faded.

then going thru music tonight (and some wine,,, gotta love the moose!) i stumbled upon jackson brown and forgot how beautiful that song was, and realized when i heard it, that i hadnt thought of her, or that moment, for a long long time....... makes me wonder why.

someone recently asked me what i do, what makes me happy.

i couldnt answer the question........

i still cant answer the question

'the low fuel lights been on for days,,,, got another 500 hundred miles before we shut it down......"

"Where the touch of the lover ends
And the soul of the friend begins
There's a need to be separate and a need to be one
And a struggle neither wins"

ever look at a city at night? see all the lights on? sit there by yourself, and think of what happens behind the glow, wonder if its the fading filament of some ones life, or the start of a bulb just getting warmed up....? does it dim and fade and die with the sun, or does glow brighter as night comes?

what is it in people that make them be who they are?

and how do u change it when u dont like it?

(oh, and as weird as this sounds to say, i am happy, even as i right this, as strange as it sounds, i dont have what i want, but i am ok with that, becuase i know it, and i wont fake it)