samling

being reminded how hated you are for loving someone is very conflicting.

happened yesterday. never in my life did i imagine i would end up spending 10 months with someone who would grow to hate me so much that the knowledge of me calling his house would send him into a full-blown shouting match between him and his best friend. i watched that boy i was willing to open my heart and home to turn into a selfish mean-spirited person, attacking his "brother", his best friend, and driving him away. because i called the house to tell that friend i was on my way to pick him up.

you begin to wonder what you saw in a creature who carried more venom in them than anything dangerous on this world. you begin to question your judgement, your own mind.

i know i made the right decision to love him, just like when i decided we shouldn't be together, and when he needed to leave. i wouldn't take it back. i'm sorry he can't get over whatever evils that will not quell, but i have done my penence. that penence only i know. there were things about him i'll never want in another human being for the rest of my time here. i never wanted hate from him, it surprises me, that you'd hold such maddening angst towards someone who loved you.

strange, isn't it?