sambucus

I had a good time with my friend on our "date".
We snuck up to the roof of a building and ate Ben & Jerry's and just talked and it was nice to be listened to and feel appreciated just for being who I am. It was enjoyable and I wasn't sad at all the entire time.
I enjoyed the ride home with the windows down and good music and the smell of Autumn in the breeze.
And then I got home.
He asked how work was. I said, "fine." He said, "whatever."
He brought our son out to me while he was feeding him. He put him directly in my face while I was trying to watch Letters To Juliet. I said, "did I shove our baby in your face on your night out?" He said he wanted me to give him kisses. "No, I didn't," I continued, "because you weren't here. You weren't home until five am."
He went to the bedroom with my baby and slammed the door. I kiss my babies all the time. I don't need him to shove a baby in my face for attention. You don't use your children for attention.
I watched the rest of the movie and I enjoyed it. But it just furthers the belief that I deserve more than what I'm getting. It's true that when you're truly in-love you want to spend every moment together. Reality sometimes interferes and, yes, I like my alone time. But anyone that chooses D&D over spending time with his wife trying to mend their broken relationship is not only selfish and childish, but stupid as well.
So, I'm going to sleep on the couch again. He doesn't like it. He asked me why I do it. I told him that I don't feel comfortable with him anymore. He didn't understand. I don't expect him to.
Maybe tomorrow will be better.
At least I have my concert tickets. I picked them up after work. I physically have them now and I get to smell them and stare at them excitedly.

I hope everyone has a good night.
And again, thank you so much for all of the support.
I wish my husband would read all of these. It might be a real eye-opener for him.

love.love.love