Several things today.
1. Saw SG burlesque yesterday. The girls were wonderful, but the show could have benefited from at least some production values ... I heard at least two other girls talking about applying to be Suicide Girls, which I have mixed feelings about. On the one hand, it's fantastic that SG is so well known and girls find it so inspiring and confidence boosting. On the other, it seems like the original idea -- counterculture girls being strong and sexy -- has gotten lost and it's now a status thing, a goal to be achieved for personal ego gratification. Not to claim that I'm completely pure and idealistic; I have to admit that there's more than a little narcissism in my desire to be an SG. But one of the reasons I want to be an SG at all is because I want to be part of something empowering and different (I also like titties). I don't know. I probably shouldn't be so holier-than-thou, but all the 18-year-olds taking pictures with their stuffed animals are making me uneasy for undefined reasons.
2. SG Burlesque also made me feel like a fraud. God, if I didn't have to work downtown I'd have three facial piercings (which I've wanted for ages) and another tattoo. But I'd get fired if I got the body mods I want. Am I being adult and realistic, or am I being a pussy and sacrificing who I am for the dental coverage?
3. I drove 40 minutes out of the city in the middle of the night yesterday to see BBT. She had asked us to come out to a party and meet her boyfriend, so that when she comes to visit in the future he knows and trusts us. Which makes me feel like somewhat of a scumbag, since she would be coming out to hook up with me. But she's beautiful, and she's a sweet girl, and smart too: she's in med school! The fact that she's not going to touch my man because she wants to be loyal to her boyfriend makes me respect her even more, which then makes me feel like i shouldn't touch her after all. But damn, those eyelashes and those breasts in that corset ...
4. What do you want to be when you grow up? Like I said in #2, I'm sacrificing some of my desires for a job I don't particularly like. What does that make me, for one, and secondly, what exactly DO I want to do? No one's going to pay me to sit around the house and write books and screenplays. I'm no Steven King, no Charlie Kaufman, no Tom Robbins and certainly no Salman Rushdie or Vladimir Nabokov (did you know English was his third language, and he wrote Lolita in English? I'd sell my soul to create such a work of heartbreaking, subtle genius in my first language). Fuck, man, I've reached a quarter of a century with nothing to fucking show for it.
1. Saw SG burlesque yesterday. The girls were wonderful, but the show could have benefited from at least some production values ... I heard at least two other girls talking about applying to be Suicide Girls, which I have mixed feelings about. On the one hand, it's fantastic that SG is so well known and girls find it so inspiring and confidence boosting. On the other, it seems like the original idea -- counterculture girls being strong and sexy -- has gotten lost and it's now a status thing, a goal to be achieved for personal ego gratification. Not to claim that I'm completely pure and idealistic; I have to admit that there's more than a little narcissism in my desire to be an SG. But one of the reasons I want to be an SG at all is because I want to be part of something empowering and different (I also like titties). I don't know. I probably shouldn't be so holier-than-thou, but all the 18-year-olds taking pictures with their stuffed animals are making me uneasy for undefined reasons.
2. SG Burlesque also made me feel like a fraud. God, if I didn't have to work downtown I'd have three facial piercings (which I've wanted for ages) and another tattoo. But I'd get fired if I got the body mods I want. Am I being adult and realistic, or am I being a pussy and sacrificing who I am for the dental coverage?
3. I drove 40 minutes out of the city in the middle of the night yesterday to see BBT. She had asked us to come out to a party and meet her boyfriend, so that when she comes to visit in the future he knows and trusts us. Which makes me feel like somewhat of a scumbag, since she would be coming out to hook up with me. But she's beautiful, and she's a sweet girl, and smart too: she's in med school! The fact that she's not going to touch my man because she wants to be loyal to her boyfriend makes me respect her even more, which then makes me feel like i shouldn't touch her after all. But damn, those eyelashes and those breasts in that corset ...
4. What do you want to be when you grow up? Like I said in #2, I'm sacrificing some of my desires for a job I don't particularly like. What does that make me, for one, and secondly, what exactly DO I want to do? No one's going to pay me to sit around the house and write books and screenplays. I'm no Steven King, no Charlie Kaufman, no Tom Robbins and certainly no Salman Rushdie or Vladimir Nabokov (did you know English was his third language, and he wrote Lolita in English? I'd sell my soul to create such a work of heartbreaking, subtle genius in my first language). Fuck, man, I've reached a quarter of a century with nothing to fucking show for it.
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I think you're right on the money about tons of girls applying to become SGs for social status/ego gratification. It makes me sick, but many, many people (especially females in my age group) make me sick, so I guess I'm not surprised. I still am going to go for SG-dom anyway. I don't know if you ever looked at this thread, but this is how I feel about it. As usual, most people that posted in it missed the point, but ah well.
As for the body mod/work thing, I know how you feel. I'm really lucky, though, because the place I work at is ok with facial piercings and tattoos (I work at an animal hospital). I only have my nostril and monroe pierced, but a lot of places I applied at wouldn't hire me unless I took them out. Which I would not. So I guess it's just a matter of deciding what you're willing to put up with.
When I grow up I want to be something that is interesting every day, rests easy on my conscience, and hopefully helps with the bills.
I'm thinking about becoming a naturopathic vet or a midwife. who knows? ok enough of my ramblings. sorry for the super long post.