saintwithascope

So I'm home sick today... It's not really enjoyable considering I lost my best friend yesterday and my body feels like shit today.

I suppose not all is bad though, my first g/f from back in Jr High now works at a college and she has given me a lot of advice on how to go about getting back into college. And even a program where my vocational classes will count. Which is pretty awesome. It's going to be difficult, but hopefully everything will work out and in a few years I can get my Sociology degree. With which I plan on joining the peace corps, then getting a Masters and then maybe a Phd, and eventually working my way into the United States Senate.

Now the thing about it is, that is what I want to do. Which is why I'm really torn about losing my friend. With her my life was booze, drugs and living like there was no tomorrow, because at the time there wasn't. But I feel like now in my life, it is tomorrow and I am totally unprepared. So as painful as it is to say, losing her might not have been such a bad thing in the grand scheme of things. It still sucks though.

I'm working on getting all my old transcripts together from schools I went too so I can get a meeting with someone at UTA to talk about starting next fall, and hopefully getting into this thing called the Maverick program where if you make under a certain amount of money you get your college for free. I'm hoping my vocational degree in graphic design and my work experience will help out cause my old college days will do nothing decent for me.

So here I am at a cross roads. I can put my boozing coke addled days behind me... or continue and never do anything worthwhile. Let's hope things fall into place...

Oh and, update at midnight... I just wrote this tonight... going to put music to it soon...

Nothing Worthwhile

And I know I swore that this would be the last time
but it's not the first time that I lied to you
I guess that I was asking for it whenever every single night
well I'd go and get shit faced and start up another fight
I saw it coming but I guess you got there first
You got sick of me and finally you just burst
And I can't say I blame you even a little bit
Cause deep down I know that I'm just a piece of shit

So maybe I was looking for something that wasn't there
A friendly face a touch of grace or maybe that you might care
But I ain't really seen a thing in my twenty five years
And I don't see nothing worthwhile coming near

I keep on making plans for the next few years
even though I know tomorrow it'll just be drinking beer
But maybe now that you're gone I can finally get up and go
leave all of this behind cause you left me with nothing to show
And I'll get up in the morning and get into my car
Drive until the sun goes down and I don't care how far
I just need one more drink to ease away the pain
But who am I kidding I know tomorrow will be the same

So maybe I'm just looking for something that ain't there
A friendly face a touch of grace or maybe someone who cares
But I ain't really seen a thing in my twenty five years
And I don't see nothing worthwhile coming near

I saw a man this morning with a giant plank of wood
Trying to get his truck cause it got stuck in the mud
As hard as he pushed and pulled it didn't seem to budge
All he seemed to get was covered in more sludge