So I had a good weekend with my girl friend. It was the first weekend in a long time I felt comfortable and relaxed when visiting her. Which leads me to believe my hesitation towards being with her is my all around unhappiness with myself.
See the weather has gotten nicer and my mood has improved. I do suffer from depression a few times a year. And I have noticed depending on my general unhappiness with myself manifests itself as lonliness and at the same time hatred towards people. I will be going to counseling soon because I need to be happier towards myself and others.
So my girl friend is very smart and picks up on things. We've been together for almost a year so we're learning more about each other and yet a lot more to learn.
So last night she told me I have fear of committed and yet she has been patient and stayed with me. She cries when she gets mad at me because she cares about me and never wants to be angry with me. Funny thing is I couldn't tell she was mad the one time.
She's very understanding and due to her background in education and teaching she understands how my mind works. And last night I told her something that I never thought was any bodies concern or that nobody should even be told. But since she's my partner I realized it does affect our relationship.
I told her I had offered my lesbian long time friend from high school to be a sperm donor. I had been thinking about it for 15 years. Pretty much since my friend told me she was gay. My friend asked me to be the best man at her wedding and she said they were thinking of starting a family. They didn't want to adopt and preferred to have their own. And that is when I presented my offer of being a donor. She was very appreciative and thanked me. She said she would be more comfortable if she new the donor and if it was a friend.
So I told my girlfriend this. And she was totally ok with it and said it was a very nice thing to do. And considering I told her I wasn't sure if I wanted my own kids when she asked me a couple weeks ago, I was apprehensive to tell her I may create a child. I wasn't sure how she would handle that. Well like I said she's very smart and said they are totally different situations. I won't be parenting my friends child.
And I finished by telling my girl friend that I am relearning what I need to do differently in a relationship. See an only child can be stubborn and shellfish and may have been "damaged" in his previous 7 year relationship.
So to sum up, I have a great girlfriend and it was a good weekend.
