I have been waiting for something for 16 years, and today all the waiting and anticipation came to a screeching halt.
I have scars. Big ones. I have an ugly raised one that runs across my stomach under my ribcage and one about a knuckle's width in size on my chest. They're from surgery I had when I was 2 years old to remove my cancerous kidney. Yup, I'm stuck with one kidney and two hideous scars.
I was told all my life that when I was 18 I could go to the plastic surgeon and have them removed. Well, the day came today. And the doctor said there is nothing he can do for me. I'm going to have to live with these fucking deformities for the rest of my goddamn life. No medical procedure can make them any less noticeable.
You're probably thinking, "Oh, scars, cool!" No, they're not fucking cool. Try living with the hideous reminder that you are a biological freak. And when the doctor told me they were permanant, I cried. I may be shallow, but I'm really self-concious about them. When little kids stare at me when I wear a bikini, I get mad. When I see the look on a lover's face the first time they lift up my shirt, I die. It's always a look of revoltion. I didn't let it get to me because I always thought, "When I'm 18, this will all go away." Well I'm 18, and it will never go away.
So I've decided to make the "best" out of my fucking disgusting disfiguration. I'm going to tattoo over the one on my stomach with the phrase, "Our scars have the power to remind us that the past is real." That is a quote from Hannibal Lecter in Red Dragon. On my chest I'm going to tattoo, "Know thyself," in Greek. And don't tell me I can't tattoo over scars. Because you can if you want to, asshole.
On a side note, my hair is pink and black now. Go look in my Blah pics.
I have scars. Big ones. I have an ugly raised one that runs across my stomach under my ribcage and one about a knuckle's width in size on my chest. They're from surgery I had when I was 2 years old to remove my cancerous kidney. Yup, I'm stuck with one kidney and two hideous scars.
I was told all my life that when I was 18 I could go to the plastic surgeon and have them removed. Well, the day came today. And the doctor said there is nothing he can do for me. I'm going to have to live with these fucking deformities for the rest of my goddamn life. No medical procedure can make them any less noticeable.
You're probably thinking, "Oh, scars, cool!" No, they're not fucking cool. Try living with the hideous reminder that you are a biological freak. And when the doctor told me they were permanant, I cried. I may be shallow, but I'm really self-concious about them. When little kids stare at me when I wear a bikini, I get mad. When I see the look on a lover's face the first time they lift up my shirt, I die. It's always a look of revoltion. I didn't let it get to me because I always thought, "When I'm 18, this will all go away." Well I'm 18, and it will never go away.
So I've decided to make the "best" out of my fucking disgusting disfiguration. I'm going to tattoo over the one on my stomach with the phrase, "Our scars have the power to remind us that the past is real." That is a quote from Hannibal Lecter in Red Dragon. On my chest I'm going to tattoo, "Know thyself," in Greek. And don't tell me I can't tattoo over scars. Because you can if you want to, asshole.
On a side note, my hair is pink and black now. Go look in my Blah pics.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
somewhat_damaged:
Im ugly
lilje:
everlasting scars aren't cool . the only ones i have forever are white and small, so i cope fine. i can imagine it not being fun having yours. have you gone to more doctors to hear their opinions? fi the answer is always the same, there is still hope. you never know what kind of solutions the future will bring. and even then: the words about your tattoo makes me see them in my head, and they're great.