Its now been seven and a half months since my ex threw me out and the dissolving of all my friendships. And despite many painful tries to find new friends and love Ive been meet with nothing. Its been months since Ive actually had a meaningful conversation with another human been. It makes me feel like Ive lost the ability to connect with people, that the skill I once had to make friends has disappeared. Its just so painful to be going out to new places forcing my self to talk to strangers and going home every time feeling I've wasted my time and feeling so much worse then when I left. And the fact that no one ever tries to start a conversation with me makes me feel like I'm unwanted. People seem to want to talk to everyone but me. Logically this cant be the case but the lack of meaningful conversations in my life is really starting to take its toll. That I'm lacking somethings fundamental to making friends and meeting people has become one of those nagging thoughts in the back of my head that I cant get rid of. So many people say I'm a good person but they never want to stick around, never want to be friends, never want to help. Loneliness is a killer and I'm really starting to fear it will be the death of me. Oh well back to stumbling through life, its really all I know I can do.
