Depression is a hard thing to understand to those who don't suffer from it. It makes you feel helpless and hopeless. It takes away any joy you may feel from the simplest things in life. Those who deal with it on a daily basis try to deal with it the best we can, but it isn't easy. People with depression sometimes feel they can't share what their going through with the ones they love, because they don't think they'd understand or they don't want to be a burden or simply don't know quite how to articulate it. They push those feelings down and put on a brave face in public, but when they're alone all they can do is feel. Feel the pain and frustration and sadness. I just lost a very old and dear friend because he hid how much he was hurting from everyone. It made me realize when you bottle up all the self doubt, fear and pain, it becomes overwhelming and it makes that hopelessness even more unbearable. That's why I need to get this out. I go through bouts with depression. Sometimes it's hard for me to believe things will get better, but there is always a small spark of hope. It's that bit of light, that small sliver of optimism that still resides in me that keeps me from going to the depths that unfortunately took my friend. I'd like to preemptively state that I am okay, at least more so than my friend was. I just needed to admit that I do have depression, and in doing so maybe allow myself permission to let go of some of the things that trigger it. Anyway that's about all I needed to say.
