so here's the latest, for those who care (or at least do a good job of pretending... the sign of true friends):
-after megan stopped talking to me, ro decided "hey, good idea" and did the same.
-"the other megan" randomly appeared on my buddy list yesterday, after having me blocked for over a year. there's a very long story behind her, but to sum it up, she's the reason i spent the past 2 years in a state of depression. so when i saw her online, i just froze and stared in disbelief for about 35 minutes. then she signed off, never to be seen since.
-on top of all that, two of my roommates (sativa and samuraijack who i've been good friends with for about 10 years) apparently broke up, or are taking a breather or something. so he's been packing his stuff and is planning on moving out very soon. that's gonna suck, but since he's been downstairs more i get to hang out with him more often recently. i know, i'm so selfish when it comes to friends. wish them the best, they've had it rough lately.
-last wednesday i failed a math exam
-last thursday i miraculously passed a physics exam
-on tuesday i BARELY passed a chem exam
-overall, i've had no motivation to do anything, aside from planning for blowing stuff up on 4th of july.
-today, megan (the one who just recently stopped talking to me) talked to me. we have a class together and afterward we walked 'n talked. and i think things are going to be okay. ::knock on wood:: she gave me one of the best hugs i've ever had, and those who know me well know how much a good hug means to me.
-a few hours ago, ro sent me a text asking how i'm doing. i said i'm alright, and obligatorily asked how she's doing. she said "really good actually". i wanted to reach through the phone and... i dunno... push random buttons on her phone and piss her off.
i think all the downs combined with the few ups have had the effect of numbing me. there's so much i would normally be rather upset about if it was isolated, and some things i would normally be very excited about. but nothing seems to be effecting me. in a way, it's kinda nice. like i finally have control over my emotions again or something (for the first time in about 3 years). on the other hand, i feel kinda dead. detached is a good word. like i'm just watching my life go by as if it's a movie.
as a side note, i'd like to send props to quietlythere. i met the guy once in my life and he has a rather comforting (albeit almost stalker-like) way of always seeming to be there for emotional support. awesome dude. oh yeah and sativa and morgan kick ass as always too.
that's all for now. ~
-after megan stopped talking to me, ro decided "hey, good idea" and did the same.
-"the other megan" randomly appeared on my buddy list yesterday, after having me blocked for over a year. there's a very long story behind her, but to sum it up, she's the reason i spent the past 2 years in a state of depression. so when i saw her online, i just froze and stared in disbelief for about 35 minutes. then she signed off, never to be seen since.
-on top of all that, two of my roommates (sativa and samuraijack who i've been good friends with for about 10 years) apparently broke up, or are taking a breather or something. so he's been packing his stuff and is planning on moving out very soon. that's gonna suck, but since he's been downstairs more i get to hang out with him more often recently. i know, i'm so selfish when it comes to friends. wish them the best, they've had it rough lately.
-last wednesday i failed a math exam
-last thursday i miraculously passed a physics exam
-on tuesday i BARELY passed a chem exam
-overall, i've had no motivation to do anything, aside from planning for blowing stuff up on 4th of july.
-today, megan (the one who just recently stopped talking to me) talked to me. we have a class together and afterward we walked 'n talked. and i think things are going to be okay. ::knock on wood:: she gave me one of the best hugs i've ever had, and those who know me well know how much a good hug means to me.
-a few hours ago, ro sent me a text asking how i'm doing. i said i'm alright, and obligatorily asked how she's doing. she said "really good actually". i wanted to reach through the phone and... i dunno... push random buttons on her phone and piss her off.
i think all the downs combined with the few ups have had the effect of numbing me. there's so much i would normally be rather upset about if it was isolated, and some things i would normally be very excited about. but nothing seems to be effecting me. in a way, it's kinda nice. like i finally have control over my emotions again or something (for the first time in about 3 years). on the other hand, i feel kinda dead. detached is a good word. like i'm just watching my life go by as if it's a movie.
as a side note, i'd like to send props to quietlythere. i met the guy once in my life and he has a rather comforting (albeit almost stalker-like) way of always seeming to be there for emotional support. awesome dude. oh yeah and sativa and morgan kick ass as always too.
that's all for now. ~
