rochelle

Three days in a row I have spent the majority of my day in tears. Depression does evetually get old.

Things are over between me and my family. They have been for awhile, but Tuesday was the finally straw. My family lives a lie, and that lie much like a virus has spread through my viens and everyone elses, and ruined us.

I am not complety ruined, I will not die here, not with them.

I think I am just going through mourning is all. It makes sense to grieve cause something has been lost. I love my family, but Ii love myself and they do not know whta love is, no, not really. I still talk to my dad, he's really always been the only one. Him and my brother. My mom doesn't really like me..I remind her of things she wants to forget. My sister, well, I can not help my sister in the place she is, mentally.

I have been trying to prepare for this time since last spring.

I go to Pittsburgh tomorrow to celebrate my girls 21st birthday. I was looking foward to it, but all I want to do is stay home and cry about stuff. Pathetic I know, but I just need to grieve for awhile. I hurt so bad inside, and I just need to live in that feeling for awhile till I am tired of hurting and can pick my ass up and keep on.

I can not find the check I need to cash. The car I have been driving had a flat this morning. I smoked a lot of pot last night, and now I feel like poo.

This is just today, this feeling is just today.