rig0rm0rtis

I'm thankful for my time alone, but I also get lonely. I try to be social from time to time, but never initiate. I can feel the complacency bubbling through me. Then a sharp urge of restlessness, and unease. I was "involved" with a woman for 5 or 6 years, but it faded over the course of 2 years... it felt like I was gasping for air, scratching and clawing just to get her to talk to me. Then we just stopped. I closed up shop, with sputters of yearning for a relationship, but then I close up again and push people away, or don't even try. I socialize, but then I reflect, and consider "I think I spoke too much" or "I spoke too much about myself and didn't listen enough." I enjoy my privacy, I enjoy my space, I miss the company.