rexx

hi there.





first and foremost, i cannot thank you all enough for the love you have given so far on my new set, fault and fracture. it truly means the world to me. <3








some thoughts:


i used to live in a room with one green wall.
the wall was situated in such a way that it formed a small nook just big enough to slide half of my mattress into.
i did not live there for more than a few months but every moment of it could be considered a favorite in my memory.

i remember lying in that bed one night, looking back on the day i had just returned from...
as i drove two hours home with all of the windows down darkness grew and led zeppelin crackled through the old speakers.
i pulled off at a barren rest stop once the sun had snuggled in completely and sat on the hood of my eighty-nine camry to stare out at the black expanse of the mountains in the distance for so long that they must have absorbed every ounce of feeling i was capable of emanating and i am certain that if i were to pass them again tomorrow all of that feeling would rush back into me so quickly that it would be nearly unbearable.

i was in the midst of this reflection being happier than i ever thought was possible and the wall was simply being a green wall and i couldn't grasp the true meaning of unconditional love at the time.
how could i, i suppose, as i had never been in love at all before.
but i remember thinking that if i ever lost this indescribable person that i would think back on that statement and that moment and remember it completely and then i would know what it meant.

that was four and a half years ago and amazingly enough here i am alone all this time, a different state, two homes, and one bed later and thinking of that very night.
i do understand, now. and i realize that it was meant and that i also meant it.
all is said and done at this point and i won't lie and say that every day is amazing or easy quite yet
but things are starting to get much better.

as wordlessly wonderful as it is,
being in love is not the reason for our existence.
honestly i believe that there are no reasons for our existence,
which makes my life easier than some,
(fame and success would mean nothing to a man like that. he was in search of something which eluded all definition -h.m.)
perhaps...
however i am determined to enjoy my time on the planet regardless.
i cannot do that moping around ignoring the fact that i am a worthwhile human being capable of individual greatness and happiness.
and if one doesn't possess these things to their fullest what can you possibly have to offer another human being anyhow?



FINIS.
VIVA.
IGPAY ATINLAY.



it is sunday, nearing the midnight hour and i am still drinking coffee
and reading henry miller's the air conditioned nightmare.
brewing coffee late at night provides me with a comforting feeling of desolation.
discover a positive form of desolation, for it is divine.


i woke up and indulged in a fine naked yoga session to sleep's dopesmoker,
sewed my way through the entire penance discography,
ran out of black thread ,
and have been reading ever since.


no clothes
all day.


looking forward to some shows coming up in the next week and a half: we've got local pittsburgh doomsters, molasses barge. then hardcore greats, ringworm. then psychedelic stoner titans, naam. horns up. \m/


there is work and there is play but there has been mostly getting lost in books and music and miles upon miles of wanderings.


i am typing this at night from my couch but since i was not quite able to pay for the internet this month i will wander down to a coffee shop in the morning and deliver it to you. there is a quite fine one that finally opened near me with the most pleasant souls working and a lovely outdoor patio full of flowers spilling from their pots <3

i hope this finds you well


<3 Rexx









if the great flame of the spirit be extinguished the little flames are unquenchable; they will burst through the earth in millions of tiny tongues
-henry miller