and i've been sick as shit ever since! what gives?!
i have been loading up on all sickness curing things, like vitamins and juice and water and hot tea and cold medicine and hot sex...but nothing seems to be doing the trick.
(let rare moment of rexx self pity ensue...)
(end moment.)
i think a hot tottie would cure all of my ailments. where's the damn goods when i need em?!?
right now i'm so broke that i am unable to pay ANY of my biils with the exception of my car insurance. i basically have no options left so i'm going to have to suck it up and deal with a shit load of late fees next week. i've remained quite calm about this though. its just money and will be fixed with well, more money, but its not like the boogie man is going to come out and attack me for a few late payments. we are faced with many important decisions in life. some people choose to budget wisely in order to keep the finances under control. me? well... i chose to go to mexico to see radiohead. and i certainly hold no regrets about that 
alas, my camera is no more. so its back to shitty phone pictures. but i wanted to show you my new room!
starting with my favorite part! my sweet green nook that encases my bed! err...my mattress on floor. 
corner of tv (for movie viewing purposes only!) and massive dresser because i have no closet:
corner of books and incense and things:
wall of jimmy and my fave purple chair:
my room is fairly teeny but cozy and i'll take that with the 300 dollar rent any day!
carrying on....
(yeah i havn't blogged in a few days so i'm on a rampage here. deal with it.)
i work literally two minutes from the river so i spent my break there today relaxing and reading and ended up writing a little bit. so, i figured i'd share.
other than that, i hope you all had a lovely monday.
i missed you in those few internet-less days. 
<3 Rexx
"dig the change in a man...my hero has become so strange."
that line struck me so hard over the past few years that it has actually brought tears to my eyes.
my hero taught me everything i need to know about life with understanding in a coffee shop window and secrets on smokey balconies late at night, never forgotten over the years. thousands of miles interchanged between ever since, the hero's eyes grown more strange to me with each distant crossing of our paths. but have i not said it myself that strange is a wonder of the world? and it is. the rope may wear thin at spots but will never split entirely when tethered to the greatest soul i've ever known.
i am sitting cross-legged on a rock in the middle of the rapids, attempting to remain as still as one can in contrast to the frenzied river waters rushing around on all sides.
although, there seems to be a rhythm in this liquid frenzy...
well, maybe in every frenzy lies a rhythm if you simply remain still in the pit of madness. clench your eyes shut tight as though you might go insane or even die if it overtakes you.
and then moments pass and you realize that you're still breathing...
chaos swirls around you in every direction and here you are sitting in as perfect a stillness as one can achieve and the chaos never slows, as it never will. that's ok for we are then allowed all the rest of eternity to liberate our souls to a rock in the rapids and find the hidden glory in every bit of this never-ending lunacy.
(please don't ever let yourselves be controlled by the uncontrollable.)
a homeless man once told me that we could all learn to live in peace if we would just stop and watch the birds.
well i'm sitting here on this massive stone in the middle of this raging river and as i'm listening to the delicate chirping of the birds in the trees over there it seems clear to me that the rage is really rather gentle in itself and even those tiny chirps withhold a sense of urgency...
there is madness in everything.
that is what you taught me and ultimately that is all i needed to know about life, for i then took that and ran and i havn't stopped since and its been so glorious and so tragic and so wonderful and mind you what is really important here is that this entire time i have not been running FROM anything at all but only FOR...
for anything and everything.
of course i can't sit on this rock forever...
(my lunch break is only so long, but no matter about that, really.)
but i can stand to go
i can dip my toes in
dance with insanity
change the rhythm
occasionally come ashore to touch dry land
those rapids can be the world i will forever cease to be a part of
(derangement swirling round and round)
perch on as many rocks as possible
in my own little madness
to be free
where i can sit and watch the birds...
by the way. this is the homeless man i was referring to. from my photojournalism class about three years ago. i'm fairly certain his name was john:
(lets all take a moment and appreciate john)
nighty night love.
