rexx

well i spent the day locked up. i have to go to jail for 4 more days on october 6th. my license is restricted for one year with ingnition interlock (a 1000 dollar piece of shit that i have to blow into or my car won't start, plus 80 bucks a month on top of the installation fee). a 500 dollar court fine. i have to enroll in ASAP classes for the next 10 weeks, which is 300 dollars. I also might have to take alcoholics anonymous because of my high BAC level. my insurance dropped me. i hate everything here. after this asap bullshit is done i'm selling my car and getting the fuck away. i picked up that amazing hitchhiker boy the other day and he totally inspired me. no driving. no life. definitly no money. no one that i can really call a "friend" these days around this hell hole. and basically nothing to look forward to except everyday being over and one day closer to the light at the end of the tunnel.

the last fortune cookie i got said "before you can see the light, you must first learn to deal with the darkness"

no shit you fucking cookie.

i mean....havn't i done this enough in the past?

they didn't bring up the warrants from virginia beach though, thank god.

so yeah. the next two months i'm going to be spending alone. in chester. with my books. and the mini fridge i plan on purchasing and stocking with booze.

despite how negative i sound i'm actually remaining quite positive. jail is just so boring though. i've now been in jail three times in my life. going on four. well, twice was the drunk tank, but, still...

sigh.

i'm retiring to my bed and my books for the evening.

tomorrow i find out whether or not i have to continue on probation and once again risk being slammed for my warrants while getting nice new license with a big fat "R" for restricted on the front.

so much debt.

my only plan is to seriously do nothing but make as much money as i can and give every cent as soon as i get it to paying off all of this shit. then paying off my credit card debt. and then hitting the fucking road with nothing riding on my back for once. legally or financially.

i can't stand it here anymore.
someone please tell me why i came back?
i'm clinging to my diehard belief that everything happens for a reason...

i'm just waiting. and waiting...


i'm longing for the open road.
camping in the desert.
not knowing where i'm going to end up the next day, or how i'll get there.
knowing i can go wherever and see whoever i want.
truck stops.
being poor but free and happy and resourceful.
not poor but enslaved and in debt.
i'm longing for big rain storms.
and 24 hour diners.
dive bars and bikers.
new people. old people.
observing life.
i'm longing for adventure and discovery and empty leatherbound notebooks waiting to be filled.

if you've known me on here for awhile and kept up with my blogs, you'll know i've been talking about this for awhile.

i woke up on a fall day last week at brandons, driving home, and put this on paper as soon as i found a pen:

cool morning. dim light. the air is crisp. green leaves brush my face. the weather hints that they are longing for change with the season and so am i.

i hope it returns soon, but for the day fall has sneaken into this city.



its smell mixes with the smoke in my car and stirs up memories and a feeling i miss.

i havn't felt like myself in awhile.



my impatient sense of adventure is almost choking me.

i realize i'm driving faster.



one week from today legality will finally release me from the burdens of the past few months, i hope.



stop sign. i close my eyes. i breathe in deeply the sweet smell of fall car smoke and freedom. i watch the sparks on the pavement after i toss my cigarette out the window.



i pull away. i contemplate life. i'm glad to be alive.



thank god i'm thinking irrationally again.









anyways....i'm ready.