It's bad. I'm bad. Very bad place. 36.5 hours since I have slept. Bayside and Senses Fail on Thursday night. I may need to get in the middle of that and let go of some emotion. I still have a ticket to that show if anyone wants it. Otherwise I'm just giving it away. I'm pretty good at going to shows solo.
Anyways... this song...
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Anyways... this song...
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VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
flaker:
Also, I dig getting massages...especially since I screwed my back up but I have yet to try the accupunture. That's my next thing, when I get around to it. I just got my first laptop and this is kind of hard to type on...as a totaly unwarrented sidenote, by the way. Take a walk on the sunnyside of the street.........
flaker:
Inbox? 
And yeah, it is hard at times to see that even when your "spirit"shuts down you can keep on going. Like a sad and empty energizer bunny. I know that i am horrible at dealing with things stress or pain related and nothing has proven that statement more so that this last year. The only thing I've not been able to do in my robotic state is be creative. It's almost like that part of my brain just shut down. I guess that means I'm too easily affected. I don't know. Good? Bad? I have no idea...I guess we just keep truckin'on unitl we hit that good patch again, then pick up speed and fly towards the next breakdown. 
I always try to take some pics here and there....but some of us just aren't as....photogenic ( I'll go with that..) as others. This keyboard is weird.
And yeah, it is hard at times to see that even when your "spirit"shuts down you can keep on going. Like a sad and empty energizer bunny. I know that i am horrible at dealing with things stress or pain related and nothing has proven that statement more so that this last year. The only thing I've not been able to do in my robotic state is be creative. It's almost like that part of my brain just shut down. I guess that means I'm too easily affected. I don't know. Good? Bad? I have no idea...I guess we just keep truckin'on unitl we hit that good patch again, then pick up speed and fly towards the next breakdown. I always try to take some pics here and there....but some of us just aren't as....photogenic ( I'll go with that..) as others. This keyboard is weird. Just got home from the Goo Goo Dolls show. I needed it. My whole body hurts but I needed to see them play. The meet and greet was canceled, but they gave all of us signed set lists and the next time they come around we are automatically in for the meet and greet. They were amazing and I need to make Johnny Rzeznik my...
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VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
flaker:
I hear ya sista'! You know, I'm not sure if it's the weather or something, but for some reason ( probably my b-day a few days ago didn't help either) all of my depressing thoughts and feeling have been floating to the top lately. As I've stated here and there...I'm in a total rut at this point in life and I'm not too sure how to get out. It's a weird time when you start to think that really..."whay am I here". I've started to wonder if I really even matter or if I'm merely taking up space that someone else could probably do more and better things with. I guess that life has got me down lately and I don't see a reason for me to even be here. I always thought I would do or acheive something, and it doesn't seem to be going that way. I have to keep reminding myself that there is still time. I guess. Music helps, and live shows are always good for the body and soul. I just saw a show the other night that was pretty damned awesome so that helps. I've never been a huge GOO GOO fan...but I'd be down for seeing them. A heads up though, I saw Senses Fail a few years ago and I gotta say..they may be there very worst band I've ever seen live. So if you're a fan..do yourself a favor and don't see them. It will seriously ruin the music for you, I couldn't listen to them for months and months after seeing them. Ouch. Keep yer chin up dear.
You know, I'm not sure if it's the weather or something, but for some reason ( probably my b-day a few days ago didn't help either) all of my depressing thoughts and feeling have been floating to the top lately. As I've stated here and there...I'm in a total rut at this point in life and I'm not too sure how to get out. It's a weird time when you start to think that really..."whay am I here". I've started to wonder if I really even matter or if I'm merely taking up space that someone else could probably do more and better things with. I guess that life has got me down lately and I don't see a reason for me to even be here. I always thought I would do or acheive something, and it doesn't seem to be going that way. I have to keep reminding myself that there is still time. I guess. Music helps, and live shows are always good for the body and soul. I just saw a show the other night that was pretty damned awesome so that helps. I've never been a huge GOO GOO fan...but I'd be down for seeing them. A heads up though, I saw Senses Fail a few years ago and I gotta say..they may be there very worst band I've ever seen live. So if you're a fan..do yourself a favor and don't see them. It will seriously ruin the music for you, I couldn't listen to them for months and months after seeing them. Ouch. Keep yer chin up dear.
flaker:
You have a spare couch for me? Amazing. Hopefully we could talk about more than our differeing veiws on Senses Fail live. 
Actually, I'm glad that you've gotten some good shows from them because seriously, it was bad when I saw them. I had a hard time believeing that it was even the same dudes that play on the record. And to top it off, Still Searching had just come out and I thought ( and still do) that it was really fucking good. Of course, I know enough to never doubt a band from Jersey, they usually rock. Believe it or no, I'm actually from the east coast....yet I never made it up to NY?Jersey. I guess it because I moved to Hawaii before I could drive. Then NC, then FL, then CA. I would imagine that I would make fairly good company, maybe I'm not the best eye candy...but I'm kind of funny and most people enjoy talking to me. Maybe I could......cheer you up?
Yeah, I was really crowbarring that one in there..but still, you know what I mean.
Actually, I'm glad that you've gotten some good shows from them because seriously, it was bad when I saw them. I had a hard time believeing that it was even the same dudes that play on the record. And to top it off, Still Searching had just come out and I thought ( and still do) that it was really fucking good. Of course, I know enough to never doubt a band from Jersey, they usually rock. Believe it or no, I'm actually from the east coast....yet I never made it up to NY?Jersey. I guess it because I moved to Hawaii before I could drive. Then NC, then FL, then CA. I would imagine that I would make fairly good company, maybe I'm not the best eye candy...but I'm kind of funny and most people enjoy talking to me. Maybe I could......cheer you up?
Yeah, I was really crowbarring that one in there..but still, you know what I mean.
My whole body hurts. I have no appetite and I want to sleep away life. Yeah I'm depressed. I have reached out and am going to find a therapist. I know that if I don't I will not make it through 2010. I need to take care of myself so I can take care of my dogs. I can't fall apart too many people rely...
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VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
chrysis:
Icecream and movies? You have so got it. Babe, that's my jam. I have been putting caramel [the kind you're supposed to get and put on apples? You know, and be healthy?] on icecream, or making milkshakes with it every day or night for the last .. like two weeks. I am out of control. ;/
And don't you fuss over your blog. I think 9/10 people see my rambles and run, so. Also, you have about a million other things to worry about. When you're ready, you'll spill.
I'm glad you've set something up with someone. I think at least for now, you need to build a framework under you.
And don't you fuss over your blog. I think 9/10 people see my rambles and run, so. Also, you have about a million other things to worry about. When you're ready, you'll spill.
I'm glad you've set something up with someone. I think at least for now, you need to build a framework under you.
chrysis:
Also. You are now the the third person I know in Jersey, so I meeeeannnnnnnnn. n_______n;
my period came, so i''m excruciating pain. cairey passed away this morning so my heart hurts. river is going on a date after 2 weeks. fucking amazing. this day is so full of win i can't even handle it.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
chrysis:
Well. Today is a new day. Tomorrow will be another. They'll keep coming and not all can be like this.
chrysis:
And you've got to be tiring of cliches like that, so I'm really sorry. But they're true and I know you know it. So .. you know. Anyway, if I were closer, I'd come over and bring you ice cream or give you my shoulder to punch. I don't know what helps you, but.
i'm really not sure what hurts more - my lower abdomen or my heart. either way i'm about ready to break in two. i want to claw at my skin until the outside matches the inside.
dpgc44:
feel better please. BTW we are planning a trip to your hood next year. I hope you are ready!
Today I cleaned the whole apartment. All two floors of it. Tomorrow I will clean the kitchen and rearrange it so it works properly. Good god I have a lot of apartment. Had to take Trooper to an emergency vet visit today. He has fleas. Yippy Skippy. So now my house is clean and soon I will go pick up all the stuff at the...
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triumphretro:
Try Beetles Rockband, it is the shit. Again, prayers for your friend and keep some sort of positive attitude if you can, take care
triumphretro:
I love beatles rockband! It is amazing!
it's actually pretty fucking easy to break a life apart after 7 years. especially when you cop out and live on a friends couch and run away from the problems. and then i just sit here and absorb a lot of anger. i get that he's mad but really? you don't treat someone you spent the last 7 years with like garbage. but he's got...
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fadetoblack:
your support system is everyone around here, if you let them.
I'll be on the east coast at the end of november if they're still available
I'll be on the east coast at the end of november if they're still available
chef_jeff:
If I buy the tickets off of u will u still go to the show? Hows that for a win / win
so fucking tired of this year. i really really really need something good to happen. and soon.
An aneurysm burst in her brain. Within the next 6-24 hours all the tests will be run to declare her gone. I know she is no longer here. She is giving her dad time to sit with her and come to some sort of terms. She is an amazing light and my world has just become so much darker without her.
I was selfish this...
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I was selfish this...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
apriloneil:
This is so rough. I can only say, I'm here if you need someone to talk to. Seriously. <3
flaker:
I'm sorry. I know that my words are probably just nothingness plastered over this cyberworld...but still, I'm sorry. Loss is never easy, ever. 
I am sitting at the hospital watching my chocolate princess die. Her dad is on his way from Jamaica and should be here soon. Then I think she will be ready to go. Good lord I love you Cairey.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
kas:
hugs love
the_swill:
Sad, So sorry babe.