rexall

There's a part of me that wants to ruin it all. I'm setting myself up for horrific emotional pain.

I shall talk more about what brought all this on soon. Fucking classes messing with my head.

There is so much on my mind and I'm not really sure where to start or what to address first anymore.

I wrote out a bunch of stuff and then decided to delete it. I need a sounding board... I need someone to tell all the crazy things in my head to so I can have another perspective. I don't have therapy for two more...
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i am emotional.
i am loving.
i am the best friend you will ever have.
i get attached.
i am a bit crazy.
i am funny.
i have moments where i am beautiful.
i am reliable.
i am fiercely independent.
i am strong-willed.
i am opinionated.
i am honest. brutally honest.
i can hold my own.
i am a guy's girl.
i think like a...
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i would appreciate it if someone devoid of all emotion could teach me the trick. I am a royal fuck up. I am going to change my middle name to self destruction.

And enough of the pity party. I was honest. That's all I can be. People read a lot more into what I say than I actually mean. But whatever. Give me 3 days...
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poked. prodded. scraped. i hate the gynecologist and i hate having tests done on my stupid lady parts. i hurt so bad after. and then i get sad and depressed. i gave in, i'm going back on hormones. FML. I can't deal with the pain anymore so i am going to stop my period. i win stupid bloody mess... I WIN. please bear with me...
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i have an infection that i can't seem to fight. i am on antibiotics but i woke up in serious pain this morning. and then i almost passed out at a store while buying school shit. thank something i see the doctor tomorrow. i'm hurting. a lot. couldn't even go to burlesque today... anger!

anyways... enough of that crap.

i met this guy and he...
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happiness is so tenuous. my favorite human incubator called me today. things have been dicey recently and her health has been compromised... as good as the babies were for the tumor in her brain, they began to take away other things from her. the doctors hoped she would make it to week 32 so they could try to deliver while other doctors told her she...
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he makes my heart happy. and that's all i need to concentrate on. happier than it's been in years. it's still dangerous, mostly for him, but whatever.

xooxo

and the doubts have creeped in. and now i'm thinking a lot. never a good sign. figures.

i'm just going to go sit in that corner and cry. don't mind me.

i feel like shit and when i don't feel good i get emotional. good job on this one.