WARNING::: It's a bit "emo" so if you don't want to read it then pass it on by!
I keep going back and forth between these two songs and the different moods they represent in my head. One moment I'm totally fine about most things in life and I think fuck everything or anyone that doesn't fit into my master plan and then there are other moments where I'm really wistful and sad about everything. This has been a rough year. A really rough one. I'm just really fucking tired of it. I'm not this strong. And I feel it crushing in on me. I am really jealous of those people that have the super close group of friends they can turn to and the family support that keeps them together. I have close friends but I don't trust myself enough to open up. And well, my family life, you don't really want to hear it... but let's just say dad was less than stellar and mom puts men before her only daughter. How do you trust, rely on, feel loved ever when your own parents meet none of those standards? Most days I'm not disappointed in life - I have experienced things I hope most people will never have to. I am still willing to sit there everyday and meet people and I hope to change lives with my presence. I like to think I'm not someone you easily forget after I have been in your life. But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I am just way too mature for my own good and have a low tolerance of people who are not there. I've been taking care of myself for tooooooo long and for once I would just like to come home, have someone wrap their arms around me and shelter me from the world. I want to feel like I can count on someone other than myself for once.
There's a hard rain falling, flooding your attic, it's clear
Can't put out the fire that resides in you, my dear
There's something I should tell you, for we may not have much time
I've never seen scars like yours
The stars at night are big and bright
Deep in your eyes, Miss Vincent
You told me once I made you smile
But we both know damn well I didn't
I'm not much of a jester, but I'd test poisoned food for you
Your majesty, you're royal blue
I'm loyalty, my king of pain
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
it hasn't been that long
since we drank to the sunset,
until it was gone.
and down with it went our pain and fear,
as we slowly broke contact more and more,
with every beer.
and we passed out in each other's arms,
both admitting we'd never felt better.
never felt so warm.
but awoke in each other's eyes,
without wearing a stitch of clothing.
we were both deeply in disguise.
and maybe i just set aside
the fact that you were broken hearted.
in my own special selfish way.
and if i hadn't set aside
the fact that you were broken hearted.
hell knows where your heart would be today.
maybe with me.
And then sometimes I just feel like this...
oooo and this...
who's dick do i have to suck to get them to do a reunion tour? i would give anything. I'm pretty sure Stabbing Westward lyrics describe most of my life. And as I read through them, I realize a lot of my poetry was inspired by them.
And enough of my emo rant. I know that all the hardship is worth it and at the end of it, I will be a better person. And one day I will heal people and change lives and have all the things I want. I will manifest them, cus I can rely on myself to get them done.
One of these days I will tell you about my recent snakebite horror story.
I keep going back and forth between these two songs and the different moods they represent in my head. One moment I'm totally fine about most things in life and I think fuck everything or anyone that doesn't fit into my master plan and then there are other moments where I'm really wistful and sad about everything. This has been a rough year. A really rough one. I'm just really fucking tired of it. I'm not this strong. And I feel it crushing in on me. I am really jealous of those people that have the super close group of friends they can turn to and the family support that keeps them together. I have close friends but I don't trust myself enough to open up. And well, my family life, you don't really want to hear it... but let's just say dad was less than stellar and mom puts men before her only daughter. How do you trust, rely on, feel loved ever when your own parents meet none of those standards? Most days I'm not disappointed in life - I have experienced things I hope most people will never have to. I am still willing to sit there everyday and meet people and I hope to change lives with my presence. I like to think I'm not someone you easily forget after I have been in your life. But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I am just way too mature for my own good and have a low tolerance of people who are not there. I've been taking care of myself for tooooooo long and for once I would just like to come home, have someone wrap their arms around me and shelter me from the world. I want to feel like I can count on someone other than myself for once.
There's a hard rain falling, flooding your attic, it's clear
Can't put out the fire that resides in you, my dear
There's something I should tell you, for we may not have much time
I've never seen scars like yours
The stars at night are big and bright
Deep in your eyes, Miss Vincent
You told me once I made you smile
But we both know damn well I didn't
I'm not much of a jester, but I'd test poisoned food for you
Your majesty, you're royal blue
I'm loyalty, my king of pain
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
it hasn't been that long
since we drank to the sunset,
until it was gone.
and down with it went our pain and fear,
as we slowly broke contact more and more,
with every beer.
and we passed out in each other's arms,
both admitting we'd never felt better.
never felt so warm.
but awoke in each other's eyes,
without wearing a stitch of clothing.
we were both deeply in disguise.
and maybe i just set aside
the fact that you were broken hearted.
in my own special selfish way.
and if i hadn't set aside
the fact that you were broken hearted.
hell knows where your heart would be today.
maybe with me.
And then sometimes I just feel like this...
oooo and this...
who's dick do i have to suck to get them to do a reunion tour? i would give anything. I'm pretty sure Stabbing Westward lyrics describe most of my life. And as I read through them, I realize a lot of my poetry was inspired by them.
And enough of my emo rant. I know that all the hardship is worth it and at the end of it, I will be a better person. And one day I will heal people and change lives and have all the things I want. I will manifest them, cus I can rely on myself to get them done.
One of these days I will tell you about my recent snakebite horror story.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
Sorry you're having a tough time. I wish that me telling you that it'll all be ok actually helped.
as for finding someone to take care of you? good luck. when you figure out how to do it, i hope you'll let the rest of us know. i cant remember the last time i came home to any kind of significant other. which is why i need to get a dog. at least the dog will be happy to see me every day and will unconditionally love the crap out of me as long as i feed it and play with it.