I am sad. I am in pain. I hurt in ways I didn't think was possible. There are moments when I am worried about the safety of my flesh.
Yesterday I went upstairs to his room, like I always do when I get to the farm and his bed was unmade and moved. Let's just say I practically collapsed on the floor in tears. I just kept saying "no" over and over again while I cried. It was later explained to me that Grampa wanted Uncle Wayne's mattress but I was still not prepared for the scene. I'm just not ready yet. Felt like my heart was breaking all over again. I have cried every day for 40 days. Yeah still counting. Just can't seem to stop.
Walked around the farm today with the puppies. It's really nice to sit outside and appreciate the beauty of spring coming into full effect. He would love it. If only he could see it... then again he's still here, he knows.
Yesterday I went upstairs to his room, like I always do when I get to the farm and his bed was unmade and moved. Let's just say I practically collapsed on the floor in tears. I just kept saying "no" over and over again while I cried. It was later explained to me that Grampa wanted Uncle Wayne's mattress but I was still not prepared for the scene. I'm just not ready yet. Felt like my heart was breaking all over again. I have cried every day for 40 days. Yeah still counting. Just can't seem to stop.
Walked around the farm today with the puppies. It's really nice to sit outside and appreciate the beauty of spring coming into full effect. He would love it. If only he could see it... then again he's still here, he knows.
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i'm sorry.
There's not much to say to comfort someone during these times but a friend of mine actually said something that helped me about 7 years ago when a very close friend died. I don't know if he came up with it or if its in a quote book somewhere.
"your suffering is testament to the greatness you once felt" I've never heard a saying more appropriate.
Love you baby. <3
Also, thank you