rexall

So... I was totally going to go to Toronto for the Canada East Gala but instead I have been convinced to go to the ink-n-iron festival. Damn you AbnrmlOne, I'm coming for your couch bitch!

So life has been sucky, we all know that... tunes that have been on repeat for the last 2 weeks::









essentially anything by Bayside has made some sort of sense in my life recently. I am slowly coming back to myself and back to life. A few people have told me this past week that I am more like my old self. But then something small and mundane sets me off... like getting the mail out of the mailbox and seeing his name. Lying on his bed and knowing those sheets will never warm him again. Driving past the hospital where he died the other day, i FUCKING lost it. All I could think about was leaving his body in that room, leaving him alone. Finding his hair, looking at his toothbrush in the bathroom... there was so much I could've done and I was so preoccupied with my own life. I took for granted that he was just a phone call away. My heart hurts in ways I have never known. People showing up at the house because they "heard" and "came to see if it's true". I'm so tired of being strong. I just want to curl up and cry and let go. I want someone to hold me and rub my back and let me cry like an idiot on them. Then again, I'm not really one for crying and losing it in front of people... so it could be a few months.

Or maybe I'll just sit down and write... It has been nice making new friends and reconnecting with old ones. I adore a lot of the people in my life. I am lucky in more ways than one.

I want to have a really good make out session... I am holding auditions. Love you people, love me too.


bubble bath anyone?


i'm adorable