reds

Went out. Got drunk. Am wondering why I always have to play a good girl roll in life. Who even said I was a good girl? Any one I've ever slept with knows I'm not (not that their's many). I guess I don't have to play that roll but I am afraid that the ones I love won't love me for who I really am. Who I would and want to become. I wish I could be a butterfly and spread my wings and fly away. Maybe then it wouldn't matter if I was excepted or how those people felt of my life. I wouldn't see there evil glares or feel there disappointment. I could find that one my heart desires. I could come back with some one that would love everything about me and not just how I made them feel. Or How I made them happy. It could be for how we made each other feel. I need to find my soul mate. My friend for life and I know now its not my 9 year old boyfriend.
One other thing I'd like to through out there... Why can't I just hate people for who they are? Why do I need a specific event that changes my mind? Why can't there just be ass holes out there that I wouldn't like regardless if they did there good deed for the day? Why doesn't anything as bad as what happens to me on regular basis happen to them? I suppose its like the tootsie pop question...I guess we'll never know.