Funny....
How a tribute to The Nice Guy turned into how one finds one. Or how a Nice Guy finds a way out of this predicament of finishing last ( if he ever finishes at all... I mean we are nice guys in bed as well. ) And then proceeds along to the usual......
Why can't Nice Guys and Nice Girls hook up?
You know... leave the asshole guys and Girls With A Problem to one side for a change and flirt with your same? Well, we see too much of themselves in each other. And often think that that person already has their shit together and doesn't need out help and conversely, Us.
Most Nice Guys and Nice Girls were brought up to be the hero. Learning early ( very early ) that to be loved came from doing for others. Not just being - Being good, being polite, being solid, being open, being strong, being reliable, being sexual etc, etc, etc.
Instead we DO all of that for others and hope - Nay - Prey for a return. And when we meet an attractive, capable person ( Male or Female - choose your Nice Person ) we think that person is too busy doing effective things. There tends to be no connection. We're both too busy; doing the right thing, listening to someone else problems, keeping our families from shooting each other. Interceding on someone else's behalf. Keeping counsel, cleaning up someone else's mess.. etc.etc. All while organizing a group trip to Burning Man for all the lazy people in the group who have gotten used to you doing all of that and being happy that way.
Because we feel, we NEED ( Asshat boys or Girls With A Problem ) to fix. In my case ... How else is that hot, bi polar, gothy girl, with scars on her arms at the gigs I work. And a slew of asshat ex boyfriends in her wake, is ever going to realize how awesome I am?
The same predicament is true for Nice Girls as well. ( Just swap the genders in the above example if your straight ) to understand where I'm going with this....
So, why do we feel we NEED to do for thease people? Because we are just as fucked up as the Asshat Boys and Girls With A Problem. Our low reason for being has made us do for them in hopes of recognition of self. Because we can't automatically see it in our selves. Realize what we are worth. See that in others. And go over and say, Hi!!!
This really explains how women end up dating asshats. Asshat guys have a complete assuredness of self. Far beyond they're actual, real self . ( I.E. - "That threatening their last GF with a kitchen knife was a one time thing - and it was her fault anyways" ) So they say Hi. Act witty , sexy, and interested. But, don't have that desperation edge. They're cool. They did the same act with a girl last week in the very same bar stool your sitting in and got some action. Why? cause she was a nice girl... looking for sex, and hoping for love.
How do we all opt out? Trust ourselves. See our real worth. Grab some courage. Say hi. Be real and interesting. Understand and trust we can actually be sexy. And really listen to the other. If she starts to blurt out her past crazy history and turns out to be a girl with a problem. Remember, she probably has a Nice Girl best friend. Who wishes you were acting all cool and sexy with her.....
How a tribute to The Nice Guy turned into how one finds one. Or how a Nice Guy finds a way out of this predicament of finishing last ( if he ever finishes at all... I mean we are nice guys in bed as well. ) And then proceeds along to the usual......
Why can't Nice Guys and Nice Girls hook up?
You know... leave the asshole guys and Girls With A Problem to one side for a change and flirt with your same? Well, we see too much of themselves in each other. And often think that that person already has their shit together and doesn't need out help and conversely, Us.
Most Nice Guys and Nice Girls were brought up to be the hero. Learning early ( very early ) that to be loved came from doing for others. Not just being - Being good, being polite, being solid, being open, being strong, being reliable, being sexual etc, etc, etc.
Instead we DO all of that for others and hope - Nay - Prey for a return. And when we meet an attractive, capable person ( Male or Female - choose your Nice Person ) we think that person is too busy doing effective things. There tends to be no connection. We're both too busy; doing the right thing, listening to someone else problems, keeping our families from shooting each other. Interceding on someone else's behalf. Keeping counsel, cleaning up someone else's mess.. etc.etc. All while organizing a group trip to Burning Man for all the lazy people in the group who have gotten used to you doing all of that and being happy that way.
Because we feel, we NEED ( Asshat boys or Girls With A Problem ) to fix. In my case ... How else is that hot, bi polar, gothy girl, with scars on her arms at the gigs I work. And a slew of asshat ex boyfriends in her wake, is ever going to realize how awesome I am?
The same predicament is true for Nice Girls as well. ( Just swap the genders in the above example if your straight ) to understand where I'm going with this....
So, why do we feel we NEED to do for thease people? Because we are just as fucked up as the Asshat Boys and Girls With A Problem. Our low reason for being has made us do for them in hopes of recognition of self. Because we can't automatically see it in our selves. Realize what we are worth. See that in others. And go over and say, Hi!!!
This really explains how women end up dating asshats. Asshat guys have a complete assuredness of self. Far beyond they're actual, real self . ( I.E. - "That threatening their last GF with a kitchen knife was a one time thing - and it was her fault anyways" ) So they say Hi. Act witty , sexy, and interested. But, don't have that desperation edge. They're cool. They did the same act with a girl last week in the very same bar stool your sitting in and got some action. Why? cause she was a nice girl... looking for sex, and hoping for love.
How do we all opt out? Trust ourselves. See our real worth. Grab some courage. Say hi. Be real and interesting. Understand and trust we can actually be sexy. And really listen to the other. If she starts to blurt out her past crazy history and turns out to be a girl with a problem. Remember, she probably has a Nice Girl best friend. Who wishes you were acting all cool and sexy with her.....