So, I look at life and wonder, if all I have gone through has been worth the outcome and situation I am in. I am not happy. I find I am missing too much in many ways. Mentally, physically..... and even as a man I know this is no shock, but sexually as well. I am nothing to look at in all reality. Not a small guy as I would like to be anymore, but haven't stopped trying. Lost majority of my teeth while in the Army, and the few I have left aren't in any good shape. Partially my fault, partially the Army's. Want new tats but cannot find a single artist I can trust with my vision, nor can I afford it these days either with my job moving soon to Mexico.
Now am I being defeatist? I do not think so, since I am not stopping anything. I do know I have low to no self esteem, depression, and a few other issues which I live with and not let it become my life. I have never been happy with my looks, especially seeing the great looking ladies going for the much better looking guys. Yes I know ladies aren't just looks, and I love a great mind, but I would love to have both for even one day to see how well I could live with it all.
Above all else right now, I need tat work. I need to feel the needle work its magic in the hands of a true artist. I need to feel the art being applied to my skin. I need a release of endorphines from both the pleasure and pain of art. I know I am sounding needy, but I am sure most can agree with, when it calls, the call can be strong.
