razor13

i been awake for hours and i'm still sleepy, i guess that's what gettin' old is like, i just sent out the wrong shout, sorry deebee, if that is a confusing message it is because i was typing without thinking and i put two messages into one, i need to wake up without coffee today, it seems that manic episodes last longer with coffee, so now i am back to brewing tea, my friends are all in vegas today and tonight is the party i was supposed to go to, oh well. keeping busy is all i got today, there is a pistol in the drawer just in case life gets to be unbearable or if i need to go make some money, hopefully today will pass without any furtive movement on the part of myself, suicide is an idea that has been crossing my mind since i can remember, me and suicidal thoughts have had a long relationship, i wish we could end it someday, or just finally get married, police and thieves, maybe i can go like joe, easy in my sleep, just go to bed and never have to get up again, or atleast go out doing something i like to somebody i like, my old girl lia just brought me a lil' herb for my condition, that is nice, my mood is lifting a lil', i may search an enemy an give back a lil' damage that i been gettin',i have to do a lot of writing to finish up a lot of things i am workin' on, and this is my escape, and now lia is saying she's gonna do a spell for me, she's from guam but she grew up in east oakland so she knows some ghetto/ island girl magic that i can only hope the best for, it is a take what you can get kind of day, my roomate is throwing a party for everyone of us who is a capricorn on saturday, jan. 11th at cat club on 1190 folsom@ 8th, i have been told i have to go if i am in town or she will do something "dom" to me, if anybody is in s.f. on saturday and you like some bizarre shit it might be for you, a bucnh of crazy dom's getting wasted for their combined b-days, i'll be moping in the corner, unless somethin' spectacular happens between now and sat. it has been almost 40 years i don't think i have ever seen an actual miracle, maybe i just wasn't paying attention, ho hum, maybe i should take that freakin' medication, or i think i will just call wendy-o-matic, she always cheers me up when i can't face the malaise, peace@love, riz-zay-zay