raydancer

The world around me makes me feel so angry and worthless. I'm just starting to figure out how little I have going, and I'm not seeing a bright and shining fucking silver lining.

I'm trying to sort out my options. I have my heart set on becoming a jeweller, but I'm scared shitless of the whole thing. College means a lot of smart people, and I'm some jaded white trash loser hoping to get this one year course over with and make a living for myself. I know I'm not going to fit in. Everyone I've ever met's had an okay time with school and friends, and I haven't had any luck doing anything. I don't think I could deal with making any more mistakes.

Just for the hell of it, I looked at the webpages for Harvard, MIT, and Yale. I really wanted to cry after that. All these people my age, getting along, doing something with themselves, getting day jobs doing things I'll never understand helped me realize what a fucking loser I am. I hate a lot of what these fuckers turn out to actually do, but what fucking good am I? I can't even look anybody at work in the face, and they think I'm just being a dick. I'm sad, lonely, and uneducated. And I just keep feeling worse.

I feel so fucking horrible.