rameshacklee

Did a good deed today. Friend wanted to come up and see me, We woud have ended up in bed, we both knew it; but she had a boyfriend. So I told her not to come see me despite wanting hto see her so much. I thought of this guys she was with, and how I woudl hope that no one would ever do that to me if I were in his shoes. So I turned her away...good deeds suck. When I was younger I was a real bastard and I use to take whatever I coudl get out of this world, regardless. And the funny part was that it felt great. It felt awesome to be the guy who would do whatever he wanted. People looked on in amazement and followed me, amused by this bizzare life I lived. And then I gave it all up. I gave it all up because I met a girl who I really loved. But when I changed, when I stopped being the bastard...she didn't love me anymore. It was the bastard that had did it for her. And so now I do a good deed and kick myself for it. No good deed should go unpunished. Good guys, we finish last, everytime. And I wish that I could somehow get back to that mindset, that world, where being a bastard and not caring carried me forward with the velocity of a bulleft. I lost it though.