raen

Well, lots to do lots to do, shit. But today or yesterday really was a big day to look back and reflect on things, and honor my father who passed away 20 years ago (from sudden heart attack). So Friday would have been his 71st birthday also. I had a lot of work to do this weekend and so as usual I couldn't do many of the things I wanted but I did take it easy a little, and I watched a movie last night. It would have been nice to spend the weekend with my brother and sister of course but my bro is Jordan and my big sis lives in NJ with her little family now. So I did talk to them but reminisced more on my own about Pop. I'm not so good with this journal thing, but since I'm putting this down I should say something about him, brief but encompassing if I can. He was a wonderful father mostly but a horrible husband. I don't know if my parents problems made him a better father (I would guess so) but I know he loved us kids very much anyway. and we also loved him a lot too, even though he could be mean to others at times. he was a strong personality who liked to make the most of every moment, and he did live life to the fullest I believe even though it was cut short. He used to make me laugh a lot and I think that was one of the biggest things I lost when he died. laughter is an important thing to have a lot of when you are kid. Pop also made me a very patient person with others, sometimes to a fault I think because maybe I should stand up for myself more sometimes. but the gift of sorts I believe that I was given as a result is a strong ability to look past peoples bad points, and appreciate what I like about them and maintain a friendship as far as I can. my father was also gracious to others I should say, he just had no patience for others' mistakes, and so his major character flaws impressed upon me at a young age to be patient and also to focus on what I liked about my dad. I hope he is at peace and knows he is loved very much.

Coincidentally the movie I watched last night was Garden State (and I grew up in NJ) and I didn't know it's the story of a guy who's mom had just died and his trip back home for her funeral. it was ironic and fitting for this weekend.