Four months remain until my membership expires and for the longest time, I wanted to let it run out and wash my hands of SG. Five years of merely hanging around while others photograph and write articles has felt like a big fat waste. Not that I'm placing blame on others for living their lives and improving their standing on the site. A part of me wanted to be a contributor to the growth of SG. However, I've always thought that I was shit. For most of my life, I've suffered an inferiority complex. When I was very young I somehow equated my physical limitations to my worth as a human being. "Weak eyes, bad heart, no friends... what's the point of doing anything?"
So I kept to myself. A LOT. I still do.
It wasn't until I was in my late 20s that I began to have some form of confidence in my appearance and talents, but to this day, it continues to be a very difficult task. ANYWAY, the reason I'm revealing all this junk is I believe I'm going to give it the ol' college try before my membership is kaput. A photoshoot here and there, perhaps. At very least, present what I've been drawing, writing and photographing for most of my life. Start a Tumblr or two for various art projects. Start writing again (& mail submissions this time). Actually spend time with other people. Learn that being rejected (in work or relationships) doesn't mean I have completely shut down and believe I'm utterly worthless.
I'm tired of keeping things to myself.
Tired of watching others rush past me in life.
Tired of my own damn brain marginalizing my self.
TIME TO ENTER BEAST MODE.
In the meantime, here are some pics I took recently. The website will finally be up in March.
ONE MORE THING. I must give shout outs to my number one supporters (they're tied, OK?) @arroia and @barbary. Thanks for keeping me going, ladies.
ONE MORE ONE MORE THING. Hello, new followers! Can't believe I have some. haha I promise I won't be too flirty. You wouldn't be able to handle me in Full Flirt Mode anyhow... just sayin! Ask around.
