quinne

it's interesting how we react to things. how when we are threatened we lash out and do things out of fear. often not fear for ourselves, but fear for the ones we love. the protector in us makes us crazy, we will do anything to keep the most important people out of harms way. its a shame when that behaviour is mistaken for control. i know in my case i would do anything for my loved ones, i would throw myself infront of the bullet/car/dangerous person without question or regret. it breaks my heart that when you would do that kind of thing , how some people can actually feel as though you are selfish or controling. perhaps its my lack of communication, or my inapproproate rash way of talking about things, or my fear. i've always considered myself a stong intelligent person, however, when you let your heart and your guts do all the walking and talking, some may speculate how intelligent one really is. so there lies the question, heart or head? i suppose if you can muster it you can rationally deal with both and come up with a reasonable decision and way of dealing with things. but if you have too much heart, and too much guts and so much previous hurt how can you bring yourself to ignore your gut and heart and for all you know better judgement. we all have demons, wether they are very real people or very real memories or fears, the tricky part is learning how to deal with them when they show up, because as far as i know, they never go away. i used to tell a friend of mine to stick with his gut. that was my best advice at the age of 15-22. however, i'm learning, slowly that gut and head need to reason with eachother before a decision is made. most of the time. as one who is fiercly loyal and protective with those i let in my life i fell that this will the the delima i will see through out my life. its time for me to test out my head/gut theory.