pwndcake

I got a call from d23 warning me about the side effects of Ambien.. If you're not interested in reading the article, I'll give you the run down. People on Ambien have been doing weird things in their sleep. Things like walking, driving, eating, and stabbing. In the middle of the night, they rise from their beds, and wander off to eat and stab stuff (usually stuff they are going to eat).

Can you see where I'm going with this? The minute I heard the part about sleep driving I began to shudder a little inside. When he mentioned the eating, well, that can only mean one thing - Ambien is setting the stage for the impending zombie apocolypse.

Obviously the somnambulism, or zomnambulism, as I predict it will eventually be called, will continue its trend of progressively more primal human and violent behavior. There are already reports of people injuring themselves while trying to sleep-eat. From there it's a short hop to hurting someone else, especially when that someone else has sweet, delicious brains hidden inside that hard candy shell of a head of theirs.

Ambien, however, is a drug, and people can stop taking it. The only reason to fear would be if it became transmutable, like a virus. And then it hit me - bird flu. It could take as few as one sleep-eating Ambien junkie eating one dirty bird, and we have a recipe for disaster. The virus mutates, and instead of pandemic influenza, it's a global epidemic of flesh eaters.

It's time to start preparing, people. Have your escape plans ready, because the cities are going to be nothing but buffets for the undead. Your chances of making it out of an urban center once the carnage begins are slim to none. Watch the news, and be ready to bolt at the first story of mass "sleep-walkers" roaming the streets. The survival of the human race may depend on your ability to act quickly, and intelligently. If flight is not an option, have plenty of supplies. Keep boards and blankets around also to completely cover your doors and windows. If they don't know you're there, they won't eat you.

And for god's sake, keep milk and tuna under the bed.