I went to a party after work on Saturday, and hung out with some friends I hadnt seen for a while. Wed been there for just about the entire afternoon, and things didnt pick up until around 9-10PM, because people were getting off work and such.
So, as my room mates band finishes playing, I head out the door. At that point I was extremely tired and wanted to crash. Naturally, the good stuff happens after I leave.
Person number one, male; lets call him Car Accident because he was hit by a car the other day and refused to go to the hospital, saying he wasnt a pussy.
Person number two, female; lets call her The Fat Chick. My room mate, who heard the story from the fellow who threw the party, amended himself and said she was just round in a couple of places. I assume she had a little junk in the trunk, but since I didnt see her I couldnt tell you. To the room mate that dubbed her Fat Chick, unless you have D-sized boobs and a perfect body (in his opinion, naturally), a girl isnt attractive. I was forced to take his description with a grain of salt. I refer to her as Fat Chick only because I lack a name, and not because Im an insensitive cock.
On with the tale
Car Accident is drunk. Not drunk, but fucked up. Plastered. Shit-faced. Three sheets to the wind. Hes blattered. Blotto. Got the picture? Good! Fat Chick is also a little tipsy, and the two get rather amorous as the evening goes on.
Later, the friend who threw the party says he turned around and finds Car Accident fingering the hell out of Fat Chick. Theyre really going at it. Or hes going at it. Whatever.
Time passes, and Car Accident is passed out, dead to the world. Fat Chick unzips Car Accident's pants, pulls out his whang, flaps it around a little bit to pitch the tent pole, whips out a condom, puts it on em, and proceeds screw his unconscious brains out.
I dont know why, but I find that story fucking hysterical.
One of the many reasons I refuse to get drunk. I'd rather be molestered while I'm sober and awake.
So, as my room mates band finishes playing, I head out the door. At that point I was extremely tired and wanted to crash. Naturally, the good stuff happens after I leave.
Person number one, male; lets call him Car Accident because he was hit by a car the other day and refused to go to the hospital, saying he wasnt a pussy.
Person number two, female; lets call her The Fat Chick. My room mate, who heard the story from the fellow who threw the party, amended himself and said she was just round in a couple of places. I assume she had a little junk in the trunk, but since I didnt see her I couldnt tell you. To the room mate that dubbed her Fat Chick, unless you have D-sized boobs and a perfect body (in his opinion, naturally), a girl isnt attractive. I was forced to take his description with a grain of salt. I refer to her as Fat Chick only because I lack a name, and not because Im an insensitive cock.
On with the tale
Car Accident is drunk. Not drunk, but fucked up. Plastered. Shit-faced. Three sheets to the wind. Hes blattered. Blotto. Got the picture? Good! Fat Chick is also a little tipsy, and the two get rather amorous as the evening goes on.
Later, the friend who threw the party says he turned around and finds Car Accident fingering the hell out of Fat Chick. Theyre really going at it. Or hes going at it. Whatever.
Time passes, and Car Accident is passed out, dead to the world. Fat Chick unzips Car Accident's pants, pulls out his whang, flaps it around a little bit to pitch the tent pole, whips out a condom, puts it on em, and proceeds screw his unconscious brains out.
I dont know why, but I find that story fucking hysterical.
One of the many reasons I refuse to get drunk. I'd rather be molestered while I'm sober and awake.
Next person you tell the story, try it from a National Geographic standpoint.
[Edited on May 04, 2004 7:50AM]