when tears erupt from my eyes, each drop filled with unspoken frustration, i feel out of control. there used to be a time when i held my life tightly controlled and clenched with iron fists trying to make sure i left nothing to chance. these days those fists are open palms and outstretched arms and i can no longer make head from tails.
these days there is nothing i care much about except the love of my life. its what i see when i close my eyes to sleep and open them to wake. should it bother me that its not reciprical? my confucian brother tells me this is how i will finally open my eyes and see how to live my life free from the weights and burdens of expectation and rigidity of society. sacrifice. simplify. focus. confidence. trust. i would die for my love even before i could click to save this entry. yes, but what will i do to contribute to the human history? he says i'll know when i no longer care. tell me, soothe sayer, fortune teller. he says to hold on to what you know for certain. why didnt he tell me about the other?
my life on pause, when i press play what is the sound that will come from my mouth?
who will be there to comfort me when i dont need any words of advice but the knowing look and the comforting touch? and who will be there to share my happiness when i am joyous? my sister is far away. i'm losing my friends to the soul-snatchers.
i hope...you who consume my daily thoughts and give a purpose to the days. but i'm afraid. too busy takng care of themself, of others. we've all only got so much time and energy.
there is too much chaos running around the city always 30 minutes late. my frustration is for you, not b/c of you.
and i wait.
its a rude awakening to realize you are the one of the things keeping back the one whom you've been trying to help and support. they say if you really love them, you'll let them go.
i feel obsolete and unnecessary when the ones i love no longer need me for emotional comfort or advice. what does this mean when they run from me and and find solace and laughter outside? maybe they've outgrown me? if its good to find it somewhere, elsewhere at least. i know what my confucian brother would say of this: stop being so selfish.
so let me ask him, when and what will make me happy?
i hate yellow gummi bears
these days there is nothing i care much about except the love of my life. its what i see when i close my eyes to sleep and open them to wake. should it bother me that its not reciprical? my confucian brother tells me this is how i will finally open my eyes and see how to live my life free from the weights and burdens of expectation and rigidity of society. sacrifice. simplify. focus. confidence. trust. i would die for my love even before i could click to save this entry. yes, but what will i do to contribute to the human history? he says i'll know when i no longer care. tell me, soothe sayer, fortune teller. he says to hold on to what you know for certain. why didnt he tell me about the other?
my life on pause, when i press play what is the sound that will come from my mouth?
who will be there to comfort me when i dont need any words of advice but the knowing look and the comforting touch? and who will be there to share my happiness when i am joyous? my sister is far away. i'm losing my friends to the soul-snatchers.
i hope...you who consume my daily thoughts and give a purpose to the days. but i'm afraid. too busy takng care of themself, of others. we've all only got so much time and energy.
there is too much chaos running around the city always 30 minutes late. my frustration is for you, not b/c of you.
and i wait.
its a rude awakening to realize you are the one of the things keeping back the one whom you've been trying to help and support. they say if you really love them, you'll let them go.
i feel obsolete and unnecessary when the ones i love no longer need me for emotional comfort or advice. what does this mean when they run from me and and find solace and laughter outside? maybe they've outgrown me? if its good to find it somewhere, elsewhere at least. i know what my confucian brother would say of this: stop being so selfish.
so let me ask him, when and what will make me happy?
i hate yellow gummi bears
lily:
i hope one day you find it.........maybe its just not here, not now.
daliyah:
to me that was a big fuck you to GWB but take it how you read it. You'll find yours.......it's happen if your not looking for it. 