pulloffmywings

FUCK!!!!!! BUT_I_BURIED_YOU.... it's my turn... i just typed a journal entry that got shut down. and it was long. so i'll try my best

that's my heart.... i feel like someone ripped it out of me, threw it to the ground, did a heeled jig on it, crapped on it, then shoved it back in me. i want to curl up and die. maybe not... i feel emotionless. maybe i have emotion sickness.

i was on the news last nite, but i didn't see. the camera man apparently, without my permission, got shots of my daughters adoptive parents and my ex and his family on there. so i got yelled at by a lot of people for something that wasn't my fault. i blame the lady i went through for adoption. she specified nothing to me or to the camera crew.

my mom talked to my ex yesterday, and apparently he said that he hadn't talked to me since last time i was home, when in fact he has called my 4 times since then, drunk off his ass. i hate boys!!!!!!! I AM NOW TAKING GIRLFRIEND APPLICATIONS!!!!!


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heres my song lyrics for today, it's "controlled by hatred" by the suicidal tendencies:

I see the world it slips so far away
Looking back on yesterday
Leaves me nothing more to say

Terror reigns my world, Lord please tell me why
I'm on my knees, I start to cry
I live my life, that's another lie-Controlled by hatred

It feels good, I'm not proud to say
But I'll just put off my guilt, it can wait another fuckin'
day

I search you out and now you're right within my reach
And now you'll learn a lesson only I can teach
Now I'm chking it, now I'm checking out
Now I start to scream, it's what it's all about, shout it out

Can you swee what it's all about, shout it out
Now you know what I'm all about

So you can chalk up another soul that's lost
Calculate the social cost
You know not what's inside of me
Raging mad insanity

Scrambled brains I got a toasted mind
Look in my heart therein no goodness are you gonna find
I turned my back to all responsibility
I got no place for all your sensitivity
Now I'm checking out, now I'm checking in, now I star to pray

Just another fuckin' sin, why can't I ever win?
Seems like I never win, it's a sin after sin after sin
Why can't I ever win?

Who am I?
I feel no pain

I clsoe my ears and now I see so clear
I slip away just left all fear
Not a sound, but still I hear-Controlled by hatred

And now the world it slips so far away
Looking back on yesterday
Leave me nothing more to say-Controlled by hatred

I didn't think that I could ever try
Now tears of joy I start to cry
I free my soul and now I fly-Controlled by hatred

Who am I?
I feel no pain!
Could it be?
I've gone insane. Controlled by hatred!