pudding

august appears to be the answer to one of the many question marks looming over my head right now. i will most likely move back home in late july/early august. my brother is leaving for college then and my mom has been looking to move (hopefully out of knob noster) and i know i could live with her. that is also when joe gets back from tech school. the timing on everything is right. i don't want to go back and every day i pray for the fucking miracle that will allow me to stay here. but the miracle isn't coming, and i know it. another soul-crushing event in the making. grrr. i've been cleaning most of the day. got my ears pierced again, the tragus on both sides. i'd like to get more piercings in my ears but work won't allow it. just another reason i hate my job. still looking for a new job, half-assed kind of looking, but still looking. accepting that i will have to go home has taken the lust out of my job search. i feel like shit today and don't know why. i'm going to dinner with a friend and i should be happy that i have friends at all but sometimes i feel bothered by them. genuinely annoyed for no good reason. except for em, she is never bothersome. that's just her nature though. found a bracelet i had lost, joe gave it to me for christmas one year. back in the day he used to know my taste in jewelry and shit. i promise nothing.