pudding

so i've tried to say what i'm thinking and then i tried to not say what i'm thinking and then i said the opposite of what i think and it all is just too much. i can't convey anything properly. so there is that. wondrous mini-tantrum, i feel better, not as good as i could, but at least better than 10 seconds ago. so how was work, it was long and boring and i watched tv as usual and got paid for waiting a pathetically small amount of tables in a nine hour period. score. i say score, but will most likely get slammed tomorrow during lunch as karmic retribution for that statement. damn you fickle lunch hours! and i am lonely again this evening, i had a choice, i made it and have no room to bitch really. but when does that ever hold me back? so my pot pie and i will cuddle here in a little while when it is done in the oven. it is one of those giant sized ones so it will be in for a good hour, which seems like a long time when you've had only toast. i know, i work in a restaurant, i can not complain about a lack of good options. but i will. so there. i'm in a very take that type mood. because i have tried to be me, and maybe being all five different sides of me will prove fruitful, probably not. i roll my eyes at myself, sparing others the joy. and my mood has improved, i think, time will tell. but the last couple days haven't sucked, though i haven't really been tested either. i may lose the last of my marbles, depends on the day. but as of yet, skies are blue. good on me. joe is searching for the attorney, i have washed my hands of it. in disgust. i wish i didn't have to wear my glasses if only so i could put on my aviator shades to type this. because the image is cool in my head, in life, kind of sad. but not in the sad clown kind of way, because clowns are creepy as fuck. this proves how well i have controlled myself lately: my finger nails are still in tact. i know, biting your nails is disgusting. i am a frail human compared to your awesome powers of self control i'm sure. for me it's a big step, so shut up. and defensive too, double points. sarcastic, triple word score. too perfect to be true.