pudding

tomorrow is the big day for therapy. maladjusted. there are a few things that you just don't ask me that i will be finding answers for. doesn't mean i'm thrilled about it. i make no promises, none at all. god bless isaac, that was so compassionate of you it made me smile for the first time in days. just wanted to tell you, but i'm not sure if you read all this business or not. maybe someone will tell you. work was hell, i was so stressed out i left early. for anyone who thinks i am unaffected, you don't know how i rot, how i eat away at myself . we are all human. fighting the fights you just can't win. sometimes when people encounter terrible times in life they take themselves back to memories of a better time and place, i don't know where mine are. burried them i guess. wish i knew, maybe if i had those i could be happier. i do it to myself. it's hard to have sympathy for the self-destructive. there is a word for thought: self-destructive. heard it a million times. but i wear it well, and i guess i will always be that girl. this isn't a plea for sympathy, most people wouldn't even know which part to sypathize with. just trying to say how it is. i could be wrong, i am a little delusional. but if the hole is already deep, what is another three feet? everything, nothing, depends on the perspective. "and we wake up in the breakdown of the things we never thought we could be" and it's all falling apart, would have eventually anyway, right?