I have ALOT going on in my little mind, I'm like finding myself constantly thinking out all these areas of my life. There are things I'm sure of (the guy I love, Who I am, things I would like to accomplish in my personal life as far as all the above and friends I'd like to meet) Then the things that are hectic (my parents, Dog, Cat, School, Career, direction etc...) those things like freak me the fuck out man... Like I sat and thought and all I can come up with is I'm old. Somewhere along the way I became 22 on my way to 23 and therefore old. I realize that I need to make stuff happen, not sit around and let it plop into my lap. I can do that in my personal relationships. Just want something, and do it. I have strong desire for those things. As far as careers and school go... It's like a cluttered room. I get overwhelmed so I just leave it be. I just climb over it to go about my everyday life I DO understand. So I'm thinging, like is that anyway to live? I have alot of potential. i know I do. I also feel as I could do anything in the world in this past year. I have found my true self. I just needed someone to draw her out of hiding. But now it's like how do I put her to work man? I am overwhelmed- and the more time i spend being overwhelmed i get older and worry I will lose the things I have that are so precious to me. Simply because I am boring or something. Am I boring? I dunno. I think everyday I think a weeks worth of thoughts and get about 6 hours of work done. Is it normal to spend that much time in your head just trying to figure things out?? It's a step up from trying to figure myself out. She's taken care of.
I get all paranoid like I can't believe I have something good right?? so I assume something horrid will happen and I will lose it. so I panic and get scared - but that doesnt solve anything. Like, there is so much good in my life man, like alot of good. I just get so scared. I don't want to drive people away. I need to figure out what I am supposed to offer the world. I really don't know. And thank you people for the lovely suggestions(I will look into them) You are too kind.
I need things to be rock solid man, like That I can depend on.
I do, thats what I desire. For some reason in my head whenever i have something good I assume its only tempoary(horrid spelling
) and then I go into panic mode and I find I can't truely enjoy my piece of happiness cause the whole time i'm going over scenerios in my mind of how I will lose it all and be broken hearted and crap.
That can't be normal.
I want nintendogs and animal crossing(soon to come out I think) for Nintendo DS. Blah.
END RANT
I get all paranoid like I can't believe I have something good right?? so I assume something horrid will happen and I will lose it. so I panic and get scared - but that doesnt solve anything. Like, there is so much good in my life man, like alot of good. I just get so scared. I don't want to drive people away. I need to figure out what I am supposed to offer the world. I really don't know. And thank you people for the lovely suggestions(I will look into them) You are too kind.
I need things to be rock solid man, like That I can depend on.
I do, thats what I desire. For some reason in my head whenever i have something good I assume its only tempoary(horrid spelling
) and then I go into panic mode and I find I can't truely enjoy my piece of happiness cause the whole time i'm going over scenerios in my mind of how I will lose it all and be broken hearted and crap.
That can't be normal.
I want nintendogs and animal crossing(soon to come out I think) for Nintendo DS. Blah.
END RANT
I'm younger than that now."
The older I've gotten, the more I find this Dylan lyric to be true. I thought my life was too quickly slipping away. I wish someone had told me - at 22 y.o. - to read the Tao Te Ching. So I guess I'm telling you now. Tao Te Ching. Good stuff. Not all at once. Bed time reading.