pubert

This is all my fault. Things are spinning rapidly more and more out of controll. And just on the outskirts of the passing shit storm miles away from the eye I stand with my hands over my head in typical duck and cover fashion. I never wanted to hurt amanda. And most of all the one thing i was assured of in our entire relationship...
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Man i look like hell. My pupils are pinpricks as opposed to yesterday when they grew into flying sausers. The translusent boundries between this world and the spiritual we're blured. In the coke like rush of ephoria in a head filled with disossiates stubling accross the long forgotten peers that cruble into the lake, knees knobby from all that pollution in the 50's trying my...
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After a lot of soul searching...i have been found. I need a shower now. More to come on the revelations of the past two of days of the bizare and out of control

go airforce

OH god....they hated me before this. At what point did my swinging bachlor pad degenerate into this den of deboachary? Vile acts of despresation depression coupled with urge to make horrible decisions. THe worst part about this now my friends mom knows...and hates me. My friends mom is like mom number 2 minus the whole being raised by lesbians. Oh god oh god oh god...
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Hehh fuck this no contact tihng. I'm locking both my doors so you have no choice but to come in and say hi. I won't tell if you won't!! I'd ask you bring eve but she'd narc on us. I miss her so much. If this thing blows over and i don't end up with a 3 to 5 years and 10000$ fine and they...
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Man i've been reading over what i've written over the past couple days on here....god damn am i ever at all time new low. I get more pathetic by the hour. This isn't helping. I write on a journal which i keep for myself on word. Than i quicky update this journal with brife flashes of my life for what purpose...attention! A part of me...
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I hope shes happy. She needs to be happy right now. Considering all i put her through. It makes my stomach sick to think that she could wake up next to someone and feel complete. To think that little girl memories of me will be replaced with the fact i abused her. I have my trial this mourning. the boys aren't talking to me. Sarah...
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Well what do you do when your friends stop talking to? You bus them in from out of state. Considering all thats happend resently I just need someone to talk to. The one person in this state who is speaking to me (why i still have no clue) i don't want to speak to. The only person i can think of would lose her baby...
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Riding the c train to burnout vile