pubert

Soooo in response to earlier posts....i ended up making posibly a grave mistake or a great life saving decision. Upon getting lost, getting directions, and realizing i wasn't lost in the first place (while still on the phone). In the process of cute girl trying to walk me through how to find her house i hear friends arrive in the background. She blows them off pushes them downstairs stands out in the cold waiting for me who happens to be blocks away, when i announce something came up. I can't come. Sorry. she knew it was a lie. Pretend begged a bit. Found out i wasn't kidding and sounded really hurt/ and disapointed..

But now my stance. No one likes me. Not at parties, not to come over and watch tv, god forbid someone discuss something with me and realize i have absolutly no idea what i'm talking...blah blah blah...point is she has her bf whom I pail in comparison too. Hehh yeah poor fucking indeed. BULLSHIT

I'm a realist. I post this shit to whine and vent releave stress that past paragraph is 100% true. 21 years multiple identies being rejected by multiple cliques and mild psycosis later i find this "beliveing in yourself telling yourself your above this blah blah blah over coming adversity and being yourself in the end" doesn't change shit. You are who you are in the end. I'm me. And just once i'd like to matter. Just oncei'd like to be something more than me. And just once i'd like to not be afraid to walk into a room of people cause i'm gonna have no one to talk too. Fuck save the drama of making a scene at your house when people start telling me off. Cause i'm annoying short and all shit house of other things. I've gone on to long.

I think the bottom of 794 would be a great place to be discovered on the day after saint patty's day. God damn you mom!