Its 103 degrees in the shade here in Texas. Please shoot me now.
Heh, B is already making plans for me to take her to see the new Harry Potter movie. Dont get excited anybody, shes a friends girlfriend. I always seem to get along better with my friends dates than my own. Odd. Still, it ought to be fun.
Okay, here goes. I tried to do a little story boarding today, but I realized I needed a better treatmentwhich I just finished. Its rough and definitely not something that should be read for entertainment. I just put stuff down to get a feel of what comes next from panel to panel. A lot of it is just reminders for other things. You guys have been really supportive, though, so Im putting it here. Oh yeah, I figured out the name of the series. The origin is The Killer with No Depth Perception, but the series as a whole is called At Large.
WARNING! This one is long!
The Killer with No Depth Perception
Caption: Then: Open on Alex, age 10 yrs. Hes bleeding on the ground. The boy is turned on his side, but we can see his eye is badly injured. The blood is pooling.
Caption: Now: Another hurt child (Carl). This one is white and badly bruised. Carl is tied up, blindfolded, with tape over his eyes and ears. Several men are around him in shadow. One is holding a blunt instrument and has an odd look on his face. This is HT. The rest obviously have weapons, but keep them holstered. Theyre prosHT is disturbed.
CUT TO: Alex, age twenty something. He wears an eye patch over his right eye. We see him at a dojo kicking ass with Krava Maga. Hes besting several opponents, but hes not a bully. Still, hes clearly enjoying himself. Credits.
Alex is now at the office. At a meeting, he gets bored and pisses off his boss. If customers dont care about mission statements, why should we? He gets away with it, though. Why dont I fire you? I do twice as much work as anyone; Ive saved your job five times. Plus Im Mexican and a special needs person. You have five lawsuits in the worksyou cant afford to fire me.
Alex at home. Its a nice home, but he doesnt take care of it. The police come to the door to talk to him. Carls mom lives next door, and Alex fought with her at the neighborhood association quite vehemently. They walk through the house. Thus, we see a lot of work out equipment, his computer, and a gun safe. The detectives leave mollified, but suspicious. One of them puts his card on the table on the way out.
Alex is now doing a google search on the family. Alex figures out the father was trying to raise money to pay someone off. He discovers in a chat room that some of the phrases in the fathers companys annual report were euphemisms for mob takeovers. Alex looks at the card.
FLASHBACK: Alex (age 10) is walking home. A group of kids not much older than himself are behind him. Alex runs. [Close up of future Alexs eye and patch ala Samurai Jack logo.] Theyre beating him while he lies on the ground. One of them kicks his face at an odd angle a couple of times. On his eye. There was nothing particularly malicious about it. Alex lost his eye with apathetic violence.
NOW: Still staring at the card. He puts it in his pocket. He changes to an all black outfit. Alex loads up; he packs a collapsible baton. Then he walks past the safe to the backyard. There, he digs up a silenced glock.
Close on the PC screen. Its showing a fan site of the Mob in TOWN X. It fades into the same place in reality. There, Alex tries to spy on a couple of low level mob guys, but his friends are right behind me. They laugh at the all black outfit (he's standing next to a white building, how could he not stand out?) and kick the crap out of him. (There are shades of the first beating.) They go inside the building, not caring about a civilian.
Alex crawls through the alley. He looks up and sees a costume shop. There is an awesome, functional leather outfit in the window. It has a cape and mask, plus it is reminiscent of the costumes from X2. He is inspired. Lifting himself up on the side of a car, he walks into the survivalist store next door and buys a grey, black, and blue BDU (battle dress uniform) with a backavala. Now hes ready.
Alex knows they dont have the kid inside. If he can find the place that easily, so could the Feds. The mob guys take off in three identical cars. Alex is behind them in an unassuming white van. They go by the airport and through tunnels, splitting up multiple times to lose anyone following them. Alex decides to tail the car with HT in it. It has his bloody handprint on it.
Alex gets lucky and it pulls into a demo house in a nice gated community. He grabs a brochure with a floor plan on it. Going through the back, Alex puts a sleeper hold on a guy checking out this ditch like area back there. Just past the back door, he hits another with the batonbut he made too much noise, now they know hes there.
Cut to Carl. Hes on a bed still tied up. HT is sitting next to him putting together a ransom note very carefully. There are gunshots. HT grabs Carl, putting a knife to his throat. They go down a flight of stairs, and theyre half way across the room before they notice a wounded Alex standing over an unconscious form. Alex pulls his gun. They dont say anything; they know the situation.
POV: Alexs view of the world. To show he doesnt have depth perception, everything bleeds into each other. He cant shoot.
Go, says Alex backing up to a wall. When HT reaches the door, a single panel shows Alexs POV interrupted by the floor planwith measurements. Alex fires killing HT.
Alex takes Carl outside before taking off the restraints. He doesnt want the kid to see the blood. Alex takes the kid to the hospital, all without taking off the mask. Alex takes it off part way home. Hes smiling, exhilarated.
The Next Day. Close on a newspaper. Theres a picture of HT prominent on the front page.
TEXT: Father Killed in Apparent Hostage Rescue
Suspect is At Large.
Now if you managed to actually read though that and not just skip to the end, I'd appreciate any criticism or suggestions. Honestly, I'm at the point where I need help seeing the obvious plot holes and the shit parts. Thanks!
Heh, B is already making plans for me to take her to see the new Harry Potter movie. Dont get excited anybody, shes a friends girlfriend. I always seem to get along better with my friends dates than my own. Odd. Still, it ought to be fun.
Okay, here goes. I tried to do a little story boarding today, but I realized I needed a better treatmentwhich I just finished. Its rough and definitely not something that should be read for entertainment. I just put stuff down to get a feel of what comes next from panel to panel. A lot of it is just reminders for other things. You guys have been really supportive, though, so Im putting it here. Oh yeah, I figured out the name of the series. The origin is The Killer with No Depth Perception, but the series as a whole is called At Large.
WARNING! This one is long!
The Killer with No Depth Perception
Caption: Then: Open on Alex, age 10 yrs. Hes bleeding on the ground. The boy is turned on his side, but we can see his eye is badly injured. The blood is pooling.
Caption: Now: Another hurt child (Carl). This one is white and badly bruised. Carl is tied up, blindfolded, with tape over his eyes and ears. Several men are around him in shadow. One is holding a blunt instrument and has an odd look on his face. This is HT. The rest obviously have weapons, but keep them holstered. Theyre prosHT is disturbed.
CUT TO: Alex, age twenty something. He wears an eye patch over his right eye. We see him at a dojo kicking ass with Krava Maga. Hes besting several opponents, but hes not a bully. Still, hes clearly enjoying himself. Credits.
Alex is now at the office. At a meeting, he gets bored and pisses off his boss. If customers dont care about mission statements, why should we? He gets away with it, though. Why dont I fire you? I do twice as much work as anyone; Ive saved your job five times. Plus Im Mexican and a special needs person. You have five lawsuits in the worksyou cant afford to fire me.
Alex at home. Its a nice home, but he doesnt take care of it. The police come to the door to talk to him. Carls mom lives next door, and Alex fought with her at the neighborhood association quite vehemently. They walk through the house. Thus, we see a lot of work out equipment, his computer, and a gun safe. The detectives leave mollified, but suspicious. One of them puts his card on the table on the way out.
Alex is now doing a google search on the family. Alex figures out the father was trying to raise money to pay someone off. He discovers in a chat room that some of the phrases in the fathers companys annual report were euphemisms for mob takeovers. Alex looks at the card.
FLASHBACK: Alex (age 10) is walking home. A group of kids not much older than himself are behind him. Alex runs. [Close up of future Alexs eye and patch ala Samurai Jack logo.] Theyre beating him while he lies on the ground. One of them kicks his face at an odd angle a couple of times. On his eye. There was nothing particularly malicious about it. Alex lost his eye with apathetic violence.
NOW: Still staring at the card. He puts it in his pocket. He changes to an all black outfit. Alex loads up; he packs a collapsible baton. Then he walks past the safe to the backyard. There, he digs up a silenced glock.
Close on the PC screen. Its showing a fan site of the Mob in TOWN X. It fades into the same place in reality. There, Alex tries to spy on a couple of low level mob guys, but his friends are right behind me. They laugh at the all black outfit (he's standing next to a white building, how could he not stand out?) and kick the crap out of him. (There are shades of the first beating.) They go inside the building, not caring about a civilian.
Alex crawls through the alley. He looks up and sees a costume shop. There is an awesome, functional leather outfit in the window. It has a cape and mask, plus it is reminiscent of the costumes from X2. He is inspired. Lifting himself up on the side of a car, he walks into the survivalist store next door and buys a grey, black, and blue BDU (battle dress uniform) with a backavala. Now hes ready.
Alex knows they dont have the kid inside. If he can find the place that easily, so could the Feds. The mob guys take off in three identical cars. Alex is behind them in an unassuming white van. They go by the airport and through tunnels, splitting up multiple times to lose anyone following them. Alex decides to tail the car with HT in it. It has his bloody handprint on it.
Alex gets lucky and it pulls into a demo house in a nice gated community. He grabs a brochure with a floor plan on it. Going through the back, Alex puts a sleeper hold on a guy checking out this ditch like area back there. Just past the back door, he hits another with the batonbut he made too much noise, now they know hes there.
Cut to Carl. Hes on a bed still tied up. HT is sitting next to him putting together a ransom note very carefully. There are gunshots. HT grabs Carl, putting a knife to his throat. They go down a flight of stairs, and theyre half way across the room before they notice a wounded Alex standing over an unconscious form. Alex pulls his gun. They dont say anything; they know the situation.
POV: Alexs view of the world. To show he doesnt have depth perception, everything bleeds into each other. He cant shoot.
Go, says Alex backing up to a wall. When HT reaches the door, a single panel shows Alexs POV interrupted by the floor planwith measurements. Alex fires killing HT.
Alex takes Carl outside before taking off the restraints. He doesnt want the kid to see the blood. Alex takes the kid to the hospital, all without taking off the mask. Alex takes it off part way home. Hes smiling, exhilarated.
The Next Day. Close on a newspaper. Theres a picture of HT prominent on the front page.
TEXT: Father Killed in Apparent Hostage Rescue
Suspect is At Large.
Now if you managed to actually read though that and not just skip to the end, I'd appreciate any criticism or suggestions. Honestly, I'm at the point where I need help seeing the obvious plot holes and the shit parts. Thanks!
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
And I promise to read all of that when I haven't just been up for 10 minutes. Haha.