poly

yesterday it was the apocalyptica of my soul.
all of a sudden everything i used to believe in faded away.
i remember 2005 and the very first time we met apocalyptica. there were two of us. my firend and i. we were at the beginning of our career and had a passion for what we did. every band i met left a deep trace in me. every interview was worth my whole life. things had been this way until my major dream came true. last summer i met my gods. Metallica. the magic word that had been lighting up my way for 10 years, those eternal years of wait. and when the mission was accomplished, i left frozen with a doll-like face and a steel-like soul.
yesterday it was the apocalyptica gig.
the guys were performing with the same passion as in that 2005. but the circle was locked: just the line filled with nothing. my friend wasn't there. there was no more (what we called it) rock'n'roll. she's fired.

i want to cover my body with autumn leaves and burry my spirit in memories. i want to disapear and never come back. i want to never poison life with my existence. i'm empty and wishless. dreamless and hopeless.