piracy

evidence of a multilayered mind: possible evidence of outside/psychic/other influence.

sitting here in the dark beating on my head, thinking about my baby's mama and how i'm really emotional right now, thinking about how she's given me no choice in whether we're having a baby, since she says she "can't handle" having an abortion, how she's gettinga rich and sane (+/-) family, and i'm getting a kid i don't want and a committed relationship i don't want, and how none of this is fair, and really wondering now whether i'm going to be able to love her through all this, which is really the problem, is loving her and forgiving her for this, because i dont think i'd have trouble loving my kid, but it might be difficult for the kid, not understanding why i ten years from now i cant stand to be around her...

so the evidence is: suddenly i realize that the lyle lovett song "god does (but i dont)" has been running through my head... no phonetic-grammatical connections, just something subconscious apparently...


als o i've realized what i want to do (can you wait for it?)...
a physicist... god wouldn't that be wonderfull?


unfortunately, while it is what i want to do, it isn't what i want to do with my life. nor is it what i want to be. i've met who i want to be... they're not physicists.

they're designers.

c'est la.