went to see the break up
i want to say that it sucks, but it doesn't...from an entertainment standpoint it kind of blows, but it's obviously a very well made movie because it is having a profound effect on me right now. i am frightenly close to tears. i doubt that trey calling about half way thru and me noticing my phone light up and that it was him helped at all.
trey's not a bad guy, and when you get down to it, at this point, he's the love of my life. yes, it is very unhealthy the way our relationship played out and yes, i did sleep with one of his oldest friends. we have said some extremely hurtful things to each other over the past 2 years. the bottomline, though, is that, despite all of the shit, we still care enough about each other to be a major part of each other's life. i call him my best friend and i mean it. i know from precedence that i am/was/willbe there for him more than he is for me, but i'm also mentally and physically healthier than he is.
that's why i think i'm damn near terrified of this thing with brian. i have the time of my life with him and he makes me feel like a million bucks. but i'm gunshy. with trey i had to push and call and annoy so much just to be acknoweledged and included in his life. he would change plans on me at the last minute and i would be stuck at home bored and heart broken. well now when a guy (make that person b/c i do it with everyone) doesn't answer when i call, or they show up late for something, blah blah blah i feel rejected and abandoned basically. i'm afraid that this insecurity that i'm having a really hard time shaking is going to prevent any relationship that might/maybe/who knows exist with brian.
i like him a lot. i haven't known him a terribly long time. but he's told me enough to know that he's not the committment king. and a huge part of me honestly believes that the nice things he says about me wanting me to stay around and that he really wants to see me and that i could make him a one woman man are true. but that terrified side of me keeps cutting my happiness by saying that it's all lines. 'cause trey would be all nice to me drunk and then be an ass sober. but brian has never really been drunk, when he's said the nice things. (unless he's a super lightweight and one drink does it for him)
okay now i'm crying.
and i know that everyone's gonna say to just be careful and take my time. but i'm so tired of being miserable. i want to kind of have a semi-serious talk with him tomorrow when i go to get my tattoo to just let him know where i stand, but i know that will lead tears and i'm not comfortable crying in front of anyone, especially someone who i've only known for 3 weeks.
god, i need help. or to just go to sleep and never ever watch that stupid movie ever again. or...i don't know
i want to say that it sucks, but it doesn't...from an entertainment standpoint it kind of blows, but it's obviously a very well made movie because it is having a profound effect on me right now. i am frightenly close to tears. i doubt that trey calling about half way thru and me noticing my phone light up and that it was him helped at all.
trey's not a bad guy, and when you get down to it, at this point, he's the love of my life. yes, it is very unhealthy the way our relationship played out and yes, i did sleep with one of his oldest friends. we have said some extremely hurtful things to each other over the past 2 years. the bottomline, though, is that, despite all of the shit, we still care enough about each other to be a major part of each other's life. i call him my best friend and i mean it. i know from precedence that i am/was/willbe there for him more than he is for me, but i'm also mentally and physically healthier than he is.
that's why i think i'm damn near terrified of this thing with brian. i have the time of my life with him and he makes me feel like a million bucks. but i'm gunshy. with trey i had to push and call and annoy so much just to be acknoweledged and included in his life. he would change plans on me at the last minute and i would be stuck at home bored and heart broken. well now when a guy (make that person b/c i do it with everyone) doesn't answer when i call, or they show up late for something, blah blah blah i feel rejected and abandoned basically. i'm afraid that this insecurity that i'm having a really hard time shaking is going to prevent any relationship that might/maybe/who knows exist with brian.
i like him a lot. i haven't known him a terribly long time. but he's told me enough to know that he's not the committment king. and a huge part of me honestly believes that the nice things he says about me wanting me to stay around and that he really wants to see me and that i could make him a one woman man are true. but that terrified side of me keeps cutting my happiness by saying that it's all lines. 'cause trey would be all nice to me drunk and then be an ass sober. but brian has never really been drunk, when he's said the nice things. (unless he's a super lightweight and one drink does it for him)
okay now i'm crying.
and i know that everyone's gonna say to just be careful and take my time. but i'm so tired of being miserable. i want to kind of have a semi-serious talk with him tomorrow when i go to get my tattoo to just let him know where i stand, but i know that will lead tears and i'm not comfortable crying in front of anyone, especially someone who i've only known for 3 weeks.
god, i need help. or to just go to sleep and never ever watch that stupid movie ever again. or...i don't know
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love him... with all your heart love him! have the time of your life because after all the shitty BF's you've been through your owed a nice one! and if it doesn;t work out then it isn;t the end of the world because i've hung on twice before i can do it again!!
think of it that way! throw yourself into it 100% because feeling pain and hurt is just another emotion... proves your a real person and i think it makes you stronger... i may be rambling but it's helping me! good luck tho! xxxx