OK. So being creatively frustrated as I am is the single most annoying element of human existence. Day in and day out my mind bubbles with creative ideas that in all likelihood will never see the light of day.
I kid you not - I am a creative genius. The ideas that I have extend beyond what anyone else out there is presenting right now. Not to say that I am above or beyond the art that currently exists, but that i have something to offer that is entirely unique to myself. My frustration really stems more from the fact that what I want to see and hear to not ever reach my eyes. That's where my creative passion comes from.
But i have not grasped whatever technical means, in any form, are necessary to put those creative ideas into function or form. I spend countless hours playing instruments, but almost never find myself happy with any recordings. Should I ever get an element I like worked out, I can't ever complete the song because I don't know how to play ever instrument ever invented, I don't have the resources to effectively record those instruments as I would like, I don't have the skills to fine tune those recordings in post production, and I either lack the ability to trust in others to do any of the work or I lack the people skills to work effectively with others.
I live every day wanting to do so much and doing so little. And i feel very pathetic and weak for it. And i do try from time to time to record a song or program a track or whatever... But it almost never gets where it needs to go. Even the parts that come out exciting and good are only snippets.. glimpses of a vision unrealized. And there's no continuity. I have no work flow and nothing keeps me moving forward
So i exist in a standstill. Always thinking about moving forward, about progress, about change. Always basing every decision of every day on the number one goal of creating music. But i feel like the progress i've made in 7 years is so small, that by the time I get to create anything I feel is of merit, I will be too old to enjoy it. I will look back and say "I spent my whole life for this?" and i will probably smash everything I own.
I don't know anymore. And nobody reads this shit, because I don't do anything to make people have an interest in reading what I say. But it's there loss. It's everybody's loss, including mine, because I have so much to say and there is power in those thoughts and those words if only they could find a home.
Somewhere... somewhere
I kid you not - I am a creative genius. The ideas that I have extend beyond what anyone else out there is presenting right now. Not to say that I am above or beyond the art that currently exists, but that i have something to offer that is entirely unique to myself. My frustration really stems more from the fact that what I want to see and hear to not ever reach my eyes. That's where my creative passion comes from.
But i have not grasped whatever technical means, in any form, are necessary to put those creative ideas into function or form. I spend countless hours playing instruments, but almost never find myself happy with any recordings. Should I ever get an element I like worked out, I can't ever complete the song because I don't know how to play ever instrument ever invented, I don't have the resources to effectively record those instruments as I would like, I don't have the skills to fine tune those recordings in post production, and I either lack the ability to trust in others to do any of the work or I lack the people skills to work effectively with others.
I live every day wanting to do so much and doing so little. And i feel very pathetic and weak for it. And i do try from time to time to record a song or program a track or whatever... But it almost never gets where it needs to go. Even the parts that come out exciting and good are only snippets.. glimpses of a vision unrealized. And there's no continuity. I have no work flow and nothing keeps me moving forward
So i exist in a standstill. Always thinking about moving forward, about progress, about change. Always basing every decision of every day on the number one goal of creating music. But i feel like the progress i've made in 7 years is so small, that by the time I get to create anything I feel is of merit, I will be too old to enjoy it. I will look back and say "I spent my whole life for this?" and i will probably smash everything I own.
I don't know anymore. And nobody reads this shit, because I don't do anything to make people have an interest in reading what I say. But it's there loss. It's everybody's loss, including mine, because I have so much to say and there is power in those thoughts and those words if only they could find a home.
Somewhere... somewhere
you say things in a very clear and succinct way. of course you're right. and thank you - your calling me independent and aspiring has made me feel more confident in being both of those things. i appreciate it.
now, about what you've said here, that does sound like a really frustrating feeling. and a fear that is probably justified. but as kant tells us, we are bound by duty to build our skills and talents. we are given them and it is our responsibility as members of humanity to develop them. you aren't necessarily doing it for yourself, or for others, but to enrich humanity itself.
as if that makes ANYONE feel better. thanks again for nothing, kant.
do you think you'll ever really make something you feel is of merit? do you think you'll ever really be happy with the things that you create? so many artists are cursed with that constant sense of imperfection.
you are so lucky that you have things to say. that you have a creative core that needs expression, and that you have the motivation to get there. is it the means you're lacking? well. there are many, many ways to make art.