pheme

So this 28 year old cute as hell Latino boy who is in one of my classes & hangs around with me & my gf's told me he loved me.
I knew he was crushing on me but a few weeks ago he told me in his broken English that he loves me.
First man in nearly 15 years to day that to me & he's closer in age to my daughter than me.
I'm not really sure what LOVE is meaning to him.
He tells me he thinks about me all the time "but NO in that way!" he says & I'm not sure how to take that.
Frankly, between you & me, if he had NEVER mentioned loved I'd take that boy for a ride!
Hell it's been a long time since I broke up with the asshole & up to a few days ago I could really use some sexing but I'm not going to use the poor boy not after he said he loved me.
Now, with this lump, I feel disgusting.
I feel like everyone who looks at me can see it and is repulsed by it.
I feel like what little I had going for me in the looks department is now vanished or will soon vanish depending on the severity of the situation.
SHALLOW I KNOW but right now I can't help feeling the way I feel.



I also can't help feeling that in someways...OK a lot of ways I'm still in love with the asshole.
I KNOW he was a major shit to me & was a major shit the entire time I was under the impression that WE were in a relationship BUT I can't help feeling the way I'm feeling.

I want to feel like myself again.