I'm feeling very out of touch with life and the world right now. I check on the news, call my mom and Connor every day, do everything I can to stay earthbound, but I feel like I'm floating above everything, observing all but actually touching nothing. Even with everything that's going on right now, I feel completely disconnected, part of none of it. I'm afraid that if I keep going like this I'm going to become completely invisible. The only person's life I really seem to touch is Kerry's and even then it seems to be in a nonessential way. Maybe I need to find something to do.
I finally signed my divorce papers last week. I cried on the way there because unfortunately when the end is on it's way the only times I can remember are the good. It wasn't that I was regretting the divorce, its that I know I'm going to miss all of the good times. As soon as we got there I was fine though. We sat there at the table laughing before the lawyer actually came in to go over everything with us. I'm pretty sure they think we're crazy, but we just can't hate each other. It doesn't work.
Kerry and I get to meet the person who owns the house we're renting and sign the lease tomorrow. So we can finally get the stuff that's packed into the house we're sitting and move it into our own.
I'm excited to finally have something to do. Hopefully packing and decorating will keep me busy for a while. I need something to make me feel useful. Just cleaning the tiny messes in the house day after day doesn't help. I can't wait to get settled so I can have Connor over and start job hunting.
Connor is four today. It's crazy to think that four years have passed already. I remember everything that happened like it was yesterday. It seems like the tiny little details all managed to engrave themselves on my mind. The look on the nurse's face when they had to transport him to another hospital. The bundle of wires laying on top of him as they brought him in for me to see before they left. The sound of James snores as I lay there awake with Beatles songs droning softly through my earphones. Now he's happy, healthy, and beautiful. And enrolled in Pre-K. My baby had to get four shots today so they could enroll him. But he took it like a champ. And kicked a nurse in the crotch. I can't wait to see his first day of school.
It's also been 5 years today since my Papa died. It just seems to be a day for reflection. There is very little that doesn't remind me of him in some way. I wish he had lived long enough to see Connor. He would've loved my little man so much. There are a lot of times that Connor reminds me of him. He has my Papa's smile. I miss him so much.
Sorry to be so gloomy. It just seems to be one of those days. But I love you guys! Keep on keeping on and stay sweet!
I finally signed my divorce papers last week. I cried on the way there because unfortunately when the end is on it's way the only times I can remember are the good. It wasn't that I was regretting the divorce, its that I know I'm going to miss all of the good times. As soon as we got there I was fine though. We sat there at the table laughing before the lawyer actually came in to go over everything with us. I'm pretty sure they think we're crazy, but we just can't hate each other. It doesn't work.
Kerry and I get to meet the person who owns the house we're renting and sign the lease tomorrow. So we can finally get the stuff that's packed into the house we're sitting and move it into our own.
I'm excited to finally have something to do. Hopefully packing and decorating will keep me busy for a while. I need something to make me feel useful. Just cleaning the tiny messes in the house day after day doesn't help. I can't wait to get settled so I can have Connor over and start job hunting.
Connor is four today. It's crazy to think that four years have passed already. I remember everything that happened like it was yesterday. It seems like the tiny little details all managed to engrave themselves on my mind. The look on the nurse's face when they had to transport him to another hospital. The bundle of wires laying on top of him as they brought him in for me to see before they left. The sound of James snores as I lay there awake with Beatles songs droning softly through my earphones. Now he's happy, healthy, and beautiful. And enrolled in Pre-K. My baby had to get four shots today so they could enroll him. But he took it like a champ. And kicked a nurse in the crotch. I can't wait to see his first day of school.
It's also been 5 years today since my Papa died. It just seems to be a day for reflection. There is very little that doesn't remind me of him in some way. I wish he had lived long enough to see Connor. He would've loved my little man so much. There are a lot of times that Connor reminds me of him. He has my Papa's smile. I miss him so much.
Sorry to be so gloomy. It just seems to be one of those days. But I love you guys! Keep on keeping on and stay sweet!
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
beezle:
Thank you! Don't worry about being gloomy! we're hear to listen/read teehee and love you <3
lorelei:
thank you for the birthday wishes!