Ok, kids, lets see what I have been up to.
This weekend I helped my gorgeous girl get herself a great new couch. I must say it's a nice one. We did have to rent a van to move the damn thing, though.
After that we went to the Burlesque Show for the Big Easy Roller Derby Girls and I got myself a calendar. Along with my girl we doubleteamed several of the girls and forced, forced I say, them to sign upon my calendar, whcih now hangs upon my wall. The glory and magnificence of this peice is only tempered by the fact that they apparently didn't suspect anyone would hang this calendar and thus did not provide a hole for doing so. Plus it's been 'water marked'. And by that I mean parts have gotten wet from where we put it on wet bars for girls to sign and stuff. Plus I carried it through the rain to the car. Plus I drooled on it some. And now some pages are sticky. Don't ask about that. Anyway...
We watched the burlesque show. And It Was Good.
So after I bought the calendar (After speaking blasphemy upon them for not taking Ye Olde Cards Of Credit) I had some leftover cash and at a charity event such as this that could not go on! So, verily, I gazed upon the Charity raffle and saw that It Was Good and thus did Blow My Wad upon it, gaining 7 prized Raffle Tickets in the process. After such a process and using the ancient arts of Raffle Ticket Folding taught to me by my mother, I proceeded to get blue-blind paralytic drunk.
In my haze I heard the announcers call out my name. At first I was like, "What?" After I realized what was going on, I thought: "Holy Damn". See, I never win jack squat. If there was a contest where I was the only winner, I'd get second prize. If Every wticket was a winner, the guy next to me would win twice and I'd manage to lose. So to say I was not expecting to win would be an understatement. Now, earlier, there was much talk of winning a chance to spank a roller derby girl. So I get up the stage in my inhebriated state, still having no idea what I won and a cacaphony of sound assaulting me, and I am confronted with a girl holding up two paddles. Sadistic instincts undulled, I picked the one with spikes. When I went to take it, she fought back. This confused me, as I was ready to spank some ass. This was like a lion having a zebra bite it. I was like, "Uh, what?". So I finally start listening with more than just my eyes and hear the girl yelling that I have to get spanked to get my prize. Now, to me this is like saying 'We're gonna charge you $100 to give you $100.", but I try to listen to the sober people when I've got alcohol in me and I was like, 'Screw it." So I bent over and the girl gave me a few whacks. Honestly I don't even remember feeling them, but whatever. So I go to the other part of the stage and she tells me something like 'Follow Such-and-such girl to get your prize.'. So I walk around the curtain, the only place left to go, and found myself watching a band put together a, well, band. So I saw a girl dissapear behind a curtain and I was like 'There she is', so I followed. Into the burlesque girls dressing room.
Ok, I must say I had only gotten my head around the corner and immediately recognized one of the girls. I also have to say I saw no nudity. Sadly. I didn't intened on going in there and I headed right out, followed by annyoed protests of the girls. So now I was a bit disoriented and I just decided to head back out to the main stage, and that I did. The first thing I recognized when I got out was my girl, getting spanked by another girl. Now, once again, this confused me, as I totally expected to see my girl beating another girl, but not the other way around. She finished getting spanked and headed to me, meanwhile a girl grabbed me and handed me my prize package. I still had no earthly idea what the hell it was. But my girl got one too and herded me down the stairs, and we cecked out our loot.
I got a bag filled with....I don't know exactly. Some sort of punk metal CD, DVD and movie poster. I'd never heard of any of this stuff. I dunno, maybe I can give it as a gift. My girl heard my name called a second time and claimed my second prize in my stead. She got some girlie spa stuff, which I let her keep, because I am awesome like that.
Anyway, we dumped the stuff in the car, came back, got more of my poster signed, and hung out with some roller derby girls till it was time to get home.
In all, a good weekend. Now, for my next trick: DragonCon
This weekend I helped my gorgeous girl get herself a great new couch. I must say it's a nice one. We did have to rent a van to move the damn thing, though.
After that we went to the Burlesque Show for the Big Easy Roller Derby Girls and I got myself a calendar. Along with my girl we doubleteamed several of the girls and forced, forced I say, them to sign upon my calendar, whcih now hangs upon my wall. The glory and magnificence of this peice is only tempered by the fact that they apparently didn't suspect anyone would hang this calendar and thus did not provide a hole for doing so. Plus it's been 'water marked'. And by that I mean parts have gotten wet from where we put it on wet bars for girls to sign and stuff. Plus I carried it through the rain to the car. Plus I drooled on it some. And now some pages are sticky. Don't ask about that. Anyway...
We watched the burlesque show. And It Was Good.
So after I bought the calendar (After speaking blasphemy upon them for not taking Ye Olde Cards Of Credit) I had some leftover cash and at a charity event such as this that could not go on! So, verily, I gazed upon the Charity raffle and saw that It Was Good and thus did Blow My Wad upon it, gaining 7 prized Raffle Tickets in the process. After such a process and using the ancient arts of Raffle Ticket Folding taught to me by my mother, I proceeded to get blue-blind paralytic drunk.
In my haze I heard the announcers call out my name. At first I was like, "What?" After I realized what was going on, I thought: "Holy Damn". See, I never win jack squat. If there was a contest where I was the only winner, I'd get second prize. If Every wticket was a winner, the guy next to me would win twice and I'd manage to lose. So to say I was not expecting to win would be an understatement. Now, earlier, there was much talk of winning a chance to spank a roller derby girl. So I get up the stage in my inhebriated state, still having no idea what I won and a cacaphony of sound assaulting me, and I am confronted with a girl holding up two paddles. Sadistic instincts undulled, I picked the one with spikes. When I went to take it, she fought back. This confused me, as I was ready to spank some ass. This was like a lion having a zebra bite it. I was like, "Uh, what?". So I finally start listening with more than just my eyes and hear the girl yelling that I have to get spanked to get my prize. Now, to me this is like saying 'We're gonna charge you $100 to give you $100.", but I try to listen to the sober people when I've got alcohol in me and I was like, 'Screw it." So I bent over and the girl gave me a few whacks. Honestly I don't even remember feeling them, but whatever. So I go to the other part of the stage and she tells me something like 'Follow Such-and-such girl to get your prize.'. So I walk around the curtain, the only place left to go, and found myself watching a band put together a, well, band. So I saw a girl dissapear behind a curtain and I was like 'There she is', so I followed. Into the burlesque girls dressing room.
Ok, I must say I had only gotten my head around the corner and immediately recognized one of the girls. I also have to say I saw no nudity. Sadly. I didn't intened on going in there and I headed right out, followed by annyoed protests of the girls. So now I was a bit disoriented and I just decided to head back out to the main stage, and that I did. The first thing I recognized when I got out was my girl, getting spanked by another girl. Now, once again, this confused me, as I totally expected to see my girl beating another girl, but not the other way around. She finished getting spanked and headed to me, meanwhile a girl grabbed me and handed me my prize package. I still had no earthly idea what the hell it was. But my girl got one too and herded me down the stairs, and we cecked out our loot.
I got a bag filled with....I don't know exactly. Some sort of punk metal CD, DVD and movie poster. I'd never heard of any of this stuff. I dunno, maybe I can give it as a gift. My girl heard my name called a second time and claimed my second prize in my stead. She got some girlie spa stuff, which I let her keep, because I am awesome like that.
Anyway, we dumped the stuff in the car, came back, got more of my poster signed, and hung out with some roller derby girls till it was time to get home.
In all, a good weekend. Now, for my next trick: DragonCon