papat

I've been meaning to update my blog here for months now. I had wanted to tell tales of being in love, infectious smiles, sparkly eyes, great dates, amazing food, awesome music and other moments of joy.

But alas, those times have passed and are now just fading memories. Indeed, I'm single again and forlorn and heartbroken. Oh, I fell hard for that woman, but she didn't quite feel the same for me, I guess. It's been weeks now, but still I feel the sting. I should have listened to my gut months ago and bowed out with grace. No, I listened to her instead. I believed her instead of my intuition a classic error in matters of the heart. So, this final time my heart chimed in with my gut. I tried again to embody some grace, but it still got messy. Really, there were moments of downright ugliness (well, by my standards, at least others may laugh at how polite we actually were). Pardon me for being sparse with the details.


So, now I wait for the hope of friendship, though realistically I know it may never come ...it sucks to not have a good resolution.

Regardless, I see no option other than to learn from the experience and move on with my life. I've relented to a friend's nagging and have decided to seize this opportunity to have him teach me Iron Shirt Qi Gong. It requires several months of celibacy and a daily practice (the details of which I'm sworn to secrecy). My intention is to rebuild my jing essence; to reinvigorate and rejuvenate myself down into my soul and marrow. As an added benefit, assuming I learn the techniques properly, I will also become much stronger, more capable of handling the stresses of my life and allegedly able to attain complete control over my seed (as in, ejaculate only when and if I choose to). I'm already able to orgasm without ejaculation (TMI?), but completely shutting down the seed spilling is especially tricky or rather it has been for me. Anyhoo now that I'm done sharing those extra-special personal details

In addition to that, I'm further refining my diet. I've been sold on the gluten-free thing for most of this year with really impressive results on my overall state of health, but I want to take things further in support of doing the Iron Shirt practice abstaining from alcohol and sugar (am pretty much already there, minus a rare drink and sharing a bit of good chocolate with my kids now and again), perhaps even doing a moderate cleanse or a few weeks of raw. Mostly, I want to embrace a more sattvic approach to my life, though the Taoist practice has decidedly rajasic elements to it. For those not familiar with the terminology, I'm blending ayurvedic practice with the Taoist Iron Shirt practice. As well, I'm meditating more consistently and doing a lot of breathwork. I keep thinking I'll do yoga more regularly, but I can only do so much in my crazy day-to-day. Again, my intention is to find better ways to deal with my life's stresses. I can't say for sure that my stress killed this past relationship, but I'm pretty certain it played a significant role, making me more impatient and emotional, tired and depleted not an easy guy to be in love with. If I ever am lucky enough to fall in love like I did this last time, I want to be sure I have tended to every potential obstacle that might stand in the path of success and longevity or at least the things I can conceivably foresee and address. As well, I want to be healthy as I age into the second half of my life (or if I'm to be especially optimistic, the second third of my life). I want to have the energy and wisdom to better assist my family and community. If I find a lasting healthy love along the way, then all the better.

So, I guess that's it for now.

I pray y'all are happy and diggin' your lives.

blessed be, yo!