pandamonium

i don't think i've had a crazier Thanksgiving ever.

crazy as in mad busy ... which is why i haven't been on much in the last 4 or 5 days.

i'm going back and responding to the slew of comments left on my previous entry, so hang tight ... you should all see a comment from me before the day's over.

also, i will be...
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damn, i was wasted last night.

i just went through all my comments that i made .... thank jeebus none of them were embarrassing

funny how you can drink some nights and be really happy then some nights you get drunk and some small thought triggers all kinds of shit.



thanks for everybody's concern.

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Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the...
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i am feeling particuarly self-loathing right now.



but don't worry. i generally hate myself, so it's nothing new.


just another day in the life ...

Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were at this party they were at the night before.

1st guy: Man, I was so drunk that last night I got home and blew chunks.
2nd guy: Oh yeah? Well, I was so drunk that on the way home I was pulled over and given a DUI!
3rd guy: That's nothing. I was so...
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From a list of English subtitles used in films made in Hong Kong, Compiled by Stefan Hammond and Mike Wilkins for their book *Sex & Zen & a Bullet in the Head*, to be published in August by Fireside. Cited in Harper's, June 1996.

I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.

Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.

Gun...
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What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night?

Crib death.



How do you make a cat go 'woof'?

Soak it in gas, and set it on fire.



What has four legs and eight arms?

A pit-bull terrier at a children's play area.




What is green and eats nuts?

Herpes.



How do you make a dog go 'miaow'?

Freeze it in liquid nitrogen, and...
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A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem.

In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."

That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try...
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He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said...You wear briefs, don't you?

He said....Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
She said...Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.

She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
He said....It's not...
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you know you grew up in the 80s when:

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE".
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" and can do the"Carlton".
4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy.
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club...
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so my 84 year old grandfather went to the hospital today for an outpatient procedure.

which turned into a second procedure.

which turned into him freaking out while on the operating table.

which turned into him being admitted to the ICU with a respirator.